Friday, April 30, 2010
I'm going to admit something here and now that I find terribly shameful.
For the last week, I haven't remembered to brush my teeth in the morning. Around two I run my tongue over my teeth and they feel a little, well, fuzzy, and it's then that I remember.
Please bear in mind that when I'm in my right mind I'm an avid brusher. I worked in the dental field for years for heaven sakes. Plaque is my mortal enemy.
I'm a little out of sorts, you know, with two babies and all.
Here's another little thing that's been bothering me:
When the little old lady at the grocery store looks at me with one baby strapped on my body and the other baby strapped into the cart and says, "My, you really have your hands full!", I smile back and say, "Yep I sure do."
But in my mind I think, thank you so very much, Master of the Obvious. You've been here on Earth for like a hundred years and this is all you got? No sage advice? No even a little pity? Can't you see that my daughter has started eating the bananas through the peel? Can't you see that MY TEETH ARE YELLOW????
And really she was just a cute little old lady making small talk. And I know that. But I hate her anyway.
As long as I'm being honest I should also say that I have become the person I always hated who never returns the shopping cart. I just abandon them right there in the middle of the parking lot. That's me. Sorry.
These things are the truth. Ugly. I know. But I'll tell you something else...
Babies don't care if you have bad breath and yellow teeth. They love you anyway.
And being loved like that feels so very nice.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Okay girls, here's a little somethin', somethin' for you crafty folk.
A little idea. A simple craft that you can do in just small amount of time, maybe with the kids, or maybe not. May I suggest you take a little quiet time to sit and make something from your heart for your mom?
* One yard of rick rack any size depending on your preference. I like large cotton rick rack found in quilting stores.
* Small piece of leather or felt
* One pinback finding available at most craft stores
* Needle and thread
* Glue gun
* Various embellishments
Fold your rick rack ribbon back and forth so that the edges line up. Periodically run your needle through the bottom edge of one side. Keep folding until you feel like your "flower" will be as full as you like it.
Bring ends of the thread together and tie off so that it forms a circle. Using the glue gun, glue the ends of the rick rack together where they meet making sure to glue on the knot so that it stays secure.
This is the fun part! Using your embellishments, start to design and create your pin to personalize it for it's intended recipient. I used little cut fabric flowers and a fabric covered brad in the center of this pin. I used tulle, buttons and beds in the purple one. I ruffled the tulle and the little fabric flowers and glued them to the center. The buttons and brads were also secured with hot glue. I put the ribbon in front on one and in the back on the other. I think it looks nice either way.
Cut your leather or felt in a circle so that it fits the back side of your pin. Cut slits so that the pin and locking component can fit through. Glue the circle onto the back of the rick rack with hot glue.
Ruffle and package! Fluff out the petals so that the flower looks nice and full. Remember that presentation is everything and make sure to package your little offering in an extra special way. I'm going to go to the florist and ask for some clear corsage containers. I'll add a little Easter grass and a beautiful bow and there you have it!
Mother's Day flowers that won't die!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I bought three packs of seeds at the nursery. Radishes, cucumbers, and peppers.
I started embroidering a pair of shoes.
Baby announcements have been ordered.
A good friend is coming to stay this weekend.
Henry has chub on his legs.
Monday, April 26, 2010
I decided to do a series of my own paper dolls. And I think I will share them here, for those of you out there that love them as well. They make a great quiet activity for a little girl who must occupy herself during church or in a waiting room. Being quiet can be pretty difficult sometimes.
I can't wait until Birdie is old enough to play with paper dolls instead of ripping their heads off and eating their clothes.
I am sending Lydia to my niece with a box of crayons and a pair of child safe scissors.
You will need some good white card stock. I like to copy my dolls off so that they are about four inches tall.
I plan to post a doll every month, but don't hold me to it. Things are a little ify around here lately.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I need an old window.
Okay, well I know I don't need one, but I've spent most of today wondering where I can find a really great old crusty window that won't cost me my first born.
Although today I might surrender him given his behavior.
So the fact of the matter is I need to find this window so I can quit obsessing over it.
What's that? Why do I need it?
I have my reasons.
AND it's Earth Day and I'm all about repurposing. Reduce, reuse, recycle. I'm all over it. Doin' my part.
Just wish I could remember to actually take my shopping bags with me to the market.
Please no comments saying "Just put them back in your car after you unload them!", "It's easy!" "It's quick!".
Nothing is easy or quick for me these days.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
triboluminescence: (¦trī·bō·ə′lü·mə′nes·əns) n. 1. luminescence due to friction
Sometimes you need a little friction in your life to bring to light just how wonderful it all is.
Honestly, I thought I'd be more exhausted. I really believed that my creative juices would dwindle with all the extra work and sleeplessness.
Curiously, I feel lit up. I have a million ideas floating around in my brain. I'm having more problems sleeping because of brain buzzing than baby fussing.
I have a new little project I'm working on with some good friends. I'm excited to tell you all about it in a few weeks.
Plans are underway for this year's Spark Event. It's going to be Sept. 10th through the 11th. Mark your calendars now. Margie, Rhonna and Liz are cooking up some amazing surprises for this year.
I've ventured back into my studio and started coming up with new jewelry design ideas.
I'm back baby!
Sure I'm busy, but I'm buzzin'.
And the future looks brighter than ever.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Henry 1 Month
Well, I've kept calm and carried on. I think I just might be able to swing this whole thing.
It really helps that my children are so beautiful they melt my heart. That's one of the perks about adopting. You can brag about how cute your kids are without any implication that you, yourself are in someway responsible.
I did have a moment this evening when I felt compelled to do a little sketching and Amelie wouldn't leave me alone. I think the fear I have over mothering these two babies isn't in my ability to take good care of them. I think it lies with the fact that I am really afraid that I'll loose my temper. In mom guilt world, loosing your temper equals failure for the day.
I haven't worked out in like, sheesh, months. I have roots so long people are making comments about my natural hair color. I have a hag hair growing out of my chin and chipped paint on my toenails.
The last thing I need is to feel like a failure on top of all the other ugliness going on.
So I think I will take the advice of one of my dear readers and cry a little in the bathtub (while I shave my legs, I look like a lumberjack) and eat a little chocolate and spend some me time in my studio everyday. With the door locked.
And then I will come out and hug my babies and count my blessing and keep my temper in check.
That's my grand plan anyway.
Sometimes, however, you must fail to succeed.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I've never been one who's afraid of hard work. I'm not big on sweating unless I'm working out, but if it's a job I deem worth doing, I'm all over it.
So I hate to admit that I'm a little scared to face this week.
We are back home. The boy goes back to school tomorrow. Sugar Daddy is headed off to the office. I'm going to start my life as a mother of two babies who are ten months apart in age. I've got to get a handle on this. I need a schedule.
Yesterday I organized the stacks of diapers. Little tiny ones and big ones. Side by side.
I took stock of all the bottles. Again, big ones and little ones. I thought about all the milk that our little family is going to consume over the next few years and I think it may be cheaper to just buy a jersey cow. However, I'm pretty sure livestock are against our homeowners association rules. Tempting though.
I'm going to wear my uniform everyday this week. I'm so much more productive when I wear my aprons. And my mother always told me, if you are going to a new job, look the part.
Even if you don't know what the hell you are doing.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Okay so the recession has really kind of sucked. Is that an understatement? I think yes.
Anywho, things have been a bit of a struggle for all of us and it has put an extra strain on Sugar Daddy who takes his job as provider and sugar daddy extraordinaire very seriously.
Last New Years, he declared twenty-ten to be the Year of Ben. He was going to kick some business butt.
And so far he has made good. The meetings in China and Taiwan were a success. He hasn't even let up during all our major craziness over the last month. The guy's an animal. Oh, my in more ways than one.
Here we are. We now have three kids. It's forcing me to feel like a grown up. I'm a little scared heading into this new frontier. And I'm so glad that I have this man to walk by my side.
I know that he will make sure that our bellies are full and we each have a warm place to sleep each night.
Henry was sleeping in a drawer, but he must give it up and move into the crib when we get home.
Amelie will be sleeping in her new bed which is the cutest bed ever made for a little girl. I think I will take naps on it and pretend that it's mine.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I miss you. It broke my heart to bring our son home from the hospital alone. It seemed so wrong. This is a thing we do together. I sit in the back with the baby and you drive ridiculously slow all the way home. This is what we do.
But it is a little different this time around. How many times have you flown back and forth from California to Utah? I lost track.
Sometimes at night I lay awake and worry. I worry about the little things. Where will we put the crib? Who can I get to bring Thom home from school if the babies are sleeping? Just how much will we be spending on formula every week?
So I was thinking today about this kaleidoscope while I folded clothes.
And I was thinking that if I were to find an antique one, it may require some repair. And then I thought, well I would have to take it some where because I couldn't bear to take it apart and see its insides. The little sharp pieces of hardware that make it work . I don't want to see them.
I realized something. I'm making the magic go away.
Benjamin, let's not worry about how we are going to get Birdie's bed home on top of the car or when we can get Finnigan back from your parents. Let's just look at our kids and let the magic carry us.
Come back. You need to hold your children.
I created all the kaleidoscope images using my own photos on this fun site.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Sometimes it is hard to see the truth of a situation because of the circumstances.
Sometimes the facts muddle everything up and make a tender berry plant look like a pesky weed.
Sometimes the judgements of men destroy the beauty of truth.
We don't call the girl who gave birth to Henry "birthmother". She prefers we didn't. She has made it quite clear that the title of mother isn't hers to claim. She sees herself as a vessel in the hand of the Lord. Even in her darkest hour, she listened to the still small voice. She agreed to the path less taken. It is a path fraught with emotional brambles. She answered yes to this course.
She sacrificed her story so that we might begin ours.
The facts of the story are amazing and make for great chitter chatter. "She did what? And then this? Oh and did you hear..."
But here's the truth.
This our story. This is the story of the way our children came to our family. As a mother, this story sits deep in my heart. It is beautiful and miraculous and framed with type of love that only the people involved will ever experience. I would fight to the death to preserve the sanctity of it.
The true nature of adoption seems to be lost on most. It is a complex principal. It is an extended course of study for those that choose to undertake it.
The hospital social worker came by. She congratulated me on not having to go through the pain of birth. She questioned me down on the facts surrounding our sons birth. She made some observations.
I stood blinking back rage and wondering if she also pops into random offices on the University campus to offer up opinions on biomechanics and advanced engineering.
This is what I really want to say. This is what I want the girl we don't call birthmother to know. It's the truth as I know it.
Hey- It's you and us and the Lord. Everything else is confetti.
All photos by the photo zoo. Available here.