a mother's day

We took the boy and the dog to the beach yesterday. I took my sketch pad along and doodled a little and played the game we always do when we go to Dog Beach. Name the breed.

After a while I wondered over to where Thom was playing. We laid on our stomachs and kicked our feet. The sun warmed our shoulders. We sifted through the sand in search of tiny treasures. Our heads bumped every once and a while. Thom's freckles looked exceptionally cute. I asked him to tell me a secret. He had to think for a bit before he said, "Zack's* breath still stinks."

A few months prior, the topic of Zack's breath had come up and I told Thom that it is important for him not to say anything about it because it could hurt Zack's feelings. Evidently, Thom took this to heart and stinky breath has become one of his deepest secrets.

I told Thom that I had a secret too. My secret is that I am a little sad that it won't just be me and my boy anymore. Our one on one time is over. That makes me a little sad.

My child looked me strait in the eye and said, "Okay Mom, don't be sad because from now on, I am going to wake you up early in the morning instead of Dad so we can be alone at breakfast time."

Fabulous.

* Names have been changed to protect the stinky.

restless

At 3:15 am last night I was wide awake. I laid in bed listening to the night sounds of our house and looking at a red light in the sky. For about ten minutes I was convinced that it was a UFO. Then I realized it was the reflection of my alarm clock. Thus is the mind of the sleep deprived.

I walked out on the deck off of our bedroom and looked at the moon. I thought of our birth mom miles away. I wondered if she was also awake. The last few weeks of pregnancy have been hard on her and she is sleepless too. Maybe we were both looking at the moon. The universe has tied us together and little things like this are seeming more and more possible to me.

The truth is, I can hardly stand myself these days. I'm all fidgety and forgetful. I feel totally exhausted and full of creative energy all at once. I was thinking about how in the movies when people can't stand themselves there is quite often a montage of them running. They just run, I guess to escape life if only for a while.

So I thought I'd give it a try.

I dropped the boy off at school and drove down to the beach. I started running. I ran eight miles, which may not seem like a lot to some of you, but for me, right now, it was a pretty long run. In the movies they always sprint down the street, so when you picture me in your head, picture me sprinting, but the truth is I just jogged.

I took my iPhone along because I was waiting for someone to call me back. I ended up snapping pictures along my route.

Here's what I saw along the way.

Leucadia doughnut is Sugar Daddy's favorite doughnut spot. They sell doughnuts and Sex Wax. That's it. And they close up shop for the day at 11 a.m.. Only on the coast. . .

When I got back to my car I took off my shoes and walked down to the ocean. I let the cold water lap against my legs and I prayed. Right there in the ocean I thanked God for everything he has given me.

I stopped at a little fruit stand on my way home and bought locally grown organic raspberries and a tangelo that I swear to you tasted like candy.

And now I feel a little better. I think at least I will sleep tonight. I'm worn out.

Tomorrow will be busy and hopefully I will be preoccupied and the day will go by quickly. I plan on setting aside a good twenty minutes to make a pillow hut with the boy and remind him that he will always be my baby, even if another one is moving in.

I'll announce the winners of the t-shirts tomorrow and I also have another giveaway for you.

Y'all come back now ya hear?

you just can't take me anywhere

My mother used to say that. "I just can't take you kids anywhere." I realized two things yesterday. One, I really have never grown up, and two, she was right.

My sophisticated neighbor Denise took me to lunch at the Four Seasons for my birthday. I arrived before her and I was awestruck with the gardens. I couldn't help myself. I crawled around in the flower beds snapping photos with my iPhone. The gardeners looked on, dumbstruck that a guest would do such a thing. It didn't deter me. I've been called a señora blanca loca before.

We sat on the terrace overlooking the golf course and the bay. I sipped my diet coke in the shade of the yellow and white striped umbrella and hummed a little to myself. Denise was pleased that she could please me.

"Aren't we so lucky?" I asked with eyes closed to the sunshine.

"You mean to be eating lunch here?" Denise responded.

"To live here. To live in this amazing place? I mean look around you. This is paradise."

Denise looked around as if to consider the idea. Obviously she has spent more time in paradise than I have. She is accustomed to the good life.

On the other hand, paradise isn't just sprawling gardens and fancy silverware. It's having a soft place to fall. It's friends that laugh at your jokes. It's pink baby cheeks and family cuddles on a Sunday morning.

I don't think I'll ever get over that fact that I live at the beach. Every time I turn onto the coast highway I loose my breath. I think I will forever be crawling through gardens and yelling for people to come see the starfish in the tide pools. Hopefully, my paradise will always include people, like Denise and my friends and family, who humor me in my childish behavior.

haze

Be what you would seem to be, or if you'd like it put more simply: Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.- The Duchess from "Alice in Wonderland"

I awoke to the grey haze of a costal morning. Arizona was great, but I'm a ocean girl through and through. So glad to be home. . .

working girl

Here's a little sneak peak of what's to come.


I can't decide if I feel like a Christmas elf or a sweat shop worker. I have been camped at my work bench, feverishly knotting, twisting, designing and sweating. (Don't forget! September 15th, I will start listing the Fall collection in my shop. Come one, come all!) I can't wait for cooler weather- or a new indoor studio. Hummmm- not likely, better just bide my time and wait for Fall. Which could be a while. We don't see sweater weather until damn near December around here.

I am, however, having my own little Autumn season in my mind, living vicariously through the internet, the wonderful place that it is. I've been looking at all kinds of warm bundly clothes that are one hundred percent impractical for a girl like me to own. The photos for the new collection aren't helping any either. Just look at them! Don't you want to curl up with a warm cider and knit a little?

See this hunka, hunka burning love?

I've been a wee bit testy to him today. Sometimes I'd like to step out of myself and slap the back of my own head.

holding on

Last Friday there was a shark attack. A 66 year-old man was training for a triathlon and was attacked by a 15-17 foot great white shark. Both of his legs were severed and he bled out before his fellow athletes could get him to shore. His wife was waiting for him on the beach.

This horrific incident took place just south of the beach we like to think of as "ours". The beaches were closed down and a small fleet of boats and helicopters set out on a shark hunt. It was all very "Jaws-isque".

Another bit of terrifying news is that the boy has taken to calling me dude and insists upon pouring his own breakfast cereal. He has declared a moratorium on mommy kisses and says he no longer needs me to walk him to class. Now, it is true, that, left up to me, the proverbial apron strings would be tied tautly around his neck. However, must he pull away so abruptly? Must he be so bold as he strikes out on his own?

I worry. I worry that the older children will tell him there is no Santa, that he will fall and gouge an eye out, that someone will make him feel stupid or embarrassed.

And so today he announced his intention to become a "surfer" this summer. Isn't that fabulous considering the recent events? The truth of the matter is, I think I'd rather take our chances with oceanic wildlife than send him out into society. At least the monsters of the ocean are only looking for a meal.