Friday, June 04, 2010

go towards the light mr. chirpy

Meet Mr. Chirpy by Secondsister

Mr. Chirpy flew in from who knows where two weeks ago.

If pressed to speculate, I would say he is probably from one of the Bible Belt states like Alabama or Mississippi where people really like to talk. Also, I have detected a slight twang to his vernacular.

Mr. Chirpy is single and unsatisfied. It's hard to form relationships when you travel as much as he does. And then there's the extra ten pounds he's been carrying, no doubt from eating on the road all the time. And also there is his awkward bumbling nature to take into account.

My best guess is that Mr. Chirpy heard about the large population of immigrants here in Southern California. No need to go all the way to Asia to find a mate. There are plenty of lookers migrating up and down the West Coast. Surely he could find a partner here. A little Latina maybe?

He could teach her American culture. She could teach him Spanish.

As my luck would have it, Mr. Chirpy took leave of his normal life to take up residence in my ornamental plumb tree. It has been very unpleasant for me to say the least.

Freed from his regular responsibilities, Mr. Chirpy has thrown himself full force into the night life of San Diego County. He's become a real night owl, a full fledged party animal, that one.

He gets things going around ten and he doesn't drag his pudgy little body back to the nest until the sun crests the horizon.

All through the midnight hours he serenades. He cat calls. He uses his entire repertoire to lure his little senorita.

I've come to hate Mr. Chirpy with all my being.

And although I have always been repulsed by the very idea of owning a gun, I'm a little tempted.

I think a b.b. gun would be just the thing. A few shots in the air, maybe one in his general direction, should be enough to scare this chatty squatter off my land.

But the problem is, not being a gun person myself, the problem is that I'm not a good shot.

And something might happen. Yes, I think something might accidentally happen.

So I want you all to know, dear readers, if something were to happen, if a bullet were to find its way to Mr. Chirpy's vocal cords, I would dash out of the house straight away (right after I found some plastic gloves of course), and hold Mr. Chirpy in my hands as he gasps his last breath.

And I would whisper softly in his ear, "Go towards the light Mr. Chirpy. Paradise awaits."

15 comments:

Laura said...

Ha! This reminds of me of the time we were visiting my sister in law in LA. I think Mr. Chirpy and his buddies were visiting her neighborhood at the time. Somehow, they had gotten used to the noise..... it probably helped that their bedroom was on the other side of the house. The guest room was pure torture. I found that shining a flashlight right in Mr. Chirpy's general direction seemed to shut him up for awhile.
I'd recommend a slingshot and a rock.
Good luck!

Amyesq said...

Oh my God. Funniest thing ever!!

Jeanette said...

We have one that comes every year to our neighbors yard. We named him Jerry Lewis because he is that annoying.

Rebecca said...

Hang old cd's or Dvd's from the branches of the tree. The twinkling and spinning of the cd's in the sunlight are suppose to deter them. Also my father in law bought a bird distress machine for this fruit orchard. I makes bird distress calls and scares away the birds. But on second thought the distress calls may be worse than the happy chirping. Or you can let your cat out!!

Kristi Kroeger said...

Nathan and the pellet gun bonded with some woodpeckers that were picking all of the stucco off the house. He would come down the stairs like a bat outta hell pumping the pellet gun and wearing his blanket like a cape. He found great satisfaction in watching the woodpeckers drop in the neighbors yard where the dogs devoured any evidence.

Deb said...

I love how you can take an annoying situation and make it funny! You have made me feel a little bit sorry for poor old Mr. chirpy now that he has a price on his head!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, my god. This was so funny. And I concur -- I do believe Mr. Chirpy's sibling is right outside my bedroom door, here in Los Angeles.

From the Kitchen said...

I think Mr. Chirpy is from Charleston. In fact, he lived in our garden before we moved to the midwest two decades ago. So, you see, he is rather old and should be afforded the opportunity to say his piece before, perhaps, heading off to serenade the visitors at the Hotel Del Coronado or even further. Loved your post!

Best,
Bonnie

Lisa said...

Mr. Chirpy has relatives in Southern Indiana too! Oh my! How can 1 little bird make so much noise for so long!!!

Also, still drooling over the chandelier you made for your little girl's birthday. Any chance you'll give us a few more details?

west coast nester said...

Oh my this sounds like me. What is up with the southern california birds. We have an owl that has taken up residents in our eaves. He starts his hooting right about 11pm when I am ready for my beauty sleep. We have invested in a pellet gun. However, we have yet to scare the darn thing away. It has worked on a few pigeons though. I will try not to scare the guy off toward your neck of the woods if you can keep your singing little thing from flying North. Heres to a good nights sleep!

the emily said...

There is a bird that flies into my mom's bedroom window OVER and OVER and OVER. Like, all day. I'm not kidding. I don't know what he wants in her bedroom, but he wants something desperately. He just flies into her window all day, falls down, gets back in the tree, and tries again. My dad shot him last spring with a bb gun, right in the chest, and it left for a while. but it keeps coming back. we know it's the same one because of the missing feathers on his chest. birds are weird.

april said...

It's really good to know that I'm in good, if a little sleepless, company.

Damn birds.

Shelley said...

FYI: I have said arms you speak of and if I may be so bold...I AM a pretty darn good shot. Just sayin'

Apryl said...

We have a resident owl that has been here quite a while now. Not nearly annoying as Mr. Chirpy, I'm sure. The "Hoo Hoo" of the owl is actually soft and sweet sounding.

artyheart said...

Boy oh boy! You are filled with talent ! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE your illustrations! (big fan!) Im still an art student and now that iv come across your blog,this is going to be a big time inspiration for me! :) Thank you so much! :)