the blessing

For years I have dreamed about my daughter's christening dress. That's the kind of girl I am. I started shopping when we were waiting to adopt even before Thom was born.

Sugar Daddy knows me well and he knows that there was no stopping me when it came time to finally, actually, buy the dress. He gave me his blessing and his Amex.


I had dreamed up an extra long silk number with pearls and lace. A veritable poof extravaganza. A miniature wedding dress.

But I fell in love with a simple cotton frock with hand stitching. To me it looked like it was straight out of the turn of the century.

My Birdie looked like a angel on her blessing day. It was nothing like I had imagined, but all that I had hoped for.




And we served macarons at the party which made the day dreamy.


This daughter of mine, (and she is all mine now) is temperamental and cuddly and smart and demanding and funny and a lot like a macaron. Crusty on the outside, but oh so sweet on the inside.

Sometimes I love her so much I lick her cheek or nibble her ear. And sometimes in the middle of the night I tip toe into her room and lean over her crib and breath deep her delicious baby smell.

Talk about blessings.

full

I've never gone hungry.

Sure, there were times when I was first married that our cupboards were bare. One time we ate canned pineapple for a week until the next paycheck came. But the paycheck did come and we didn't loose any weight. Unfortunately for me.

My belly has never known true hunger.

But my heart has.

My heart has been cold and shrived and hard for want of a child. My heart has been starved to bitterness.

Sadly, I fear I didn't do very well on this life test.

This year my heart is big and full and bursting out of my chest. This Thanksgiving I fall to my knees and thank the Lord every chance I get for my miracle children.

This year my want is completely gone. This year I can't think of a single thing I don't already have.

Why am I so blessed?

Luck?

And so my prayer is one of much gratitude and thanksgiving with one more tiny request.

Please Lord, let me live a life deserving of all that I have.

meet the meekers

In the beginning there was just the two of us.

Me and Sugar Daddy.

For almost ten years we lived and loved as two. We were compadres, best friends and lovers.

We grew lonely for children, for that is what infertility is at it's core. Collective loneliness.

And then the boy arrived, unannounced. A huge surprise. Oh happy day! We were three. We bought the family meal at Oscar's. We signed our Christmas cards Love, the Meekers.

But still, in our heart of hearts, we felt like two plus one.

Today I awoke to the soft heavy breaths of my lover. Today I have a son, a daughter, a dog and a fence around my yard. I have tomato plants and dirty dishes in my sink. I have play dough crumbs on my table. Today I have spit up on my pajamas and bikes in my drive way.

Today I realized that my biggest childhood wish had come true.

Don't be surprised if I also become a mermaid and have a house made out of candy. Magic is in the air.

rain

anahatna katkin

Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader - not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon. - E. L. Doctorow

anahatna katkin

How do I describe to you how I feel? I never realized how parched I was. I didn't realize that my soul felt dry and fragile. I was happy. I was wishing, but content. I had Sugar Daddy and Thom. Things were okay.

liquid sky arts

But now it is raining. And my soul is soaking up each new day with a thirst like no other.

We got a video of the baby's heartbeat yesterday. She is nestled, safe in her loving mother's care until she ready to come to our waiting arms.

I am going to spend the weekend with family. Tomorrow we girls will make art all day until we are dizzy. We will talk about life and new babies and how the Lord works in mysterious ways.

I'll meet you back here on Monday.

*************************

Ben: Thom you will have so many things to teach your little sister when she comes.

Thom: (Thoughtful for a little bit) Dad, I'm gunna need a chalkboard.