different

I've always had this deep seated need to do different. Not to be different.  No, no. I don't want people staring at me or making comments. Not that I don't like different. I love different people. I seek them out as friends. I get happy and bubbly when I see someone who's down with their "differentness".  

And I wonder why. Why am I so afraid of people staring?  So what? Who cares?

I do.

Then again, I can't think in what way I would choose to be different.  I don't want a full body tattoo. As a general rule I don't like couture clothing.  I feel ridiculous in loud colors. I like to bathe everyday and do my average head of hair and put on muted colors of make-up and modest clothing.  In Lady Ga Ga's words, "I was born that way baby."

Now doing is another story.  I never want to be doing what everyone else is doing.  I won't read a book if everybody is reading it. Or watch a popular television program. I don't like super trendy clothing or jewelry.  I can't stand most pop culture.  

I am continually stretching my mind to come up with something new. Different. 

Something to call my own.

I marvel at people that can build their own new style through their art.  I've been hacking away at it for some time now.  And so far I've only created a few things that I think are genuine April.  

I guess if art were easy, everyone would be doing it. 

And then I wouldn't want to do it anymore.