restless

At 3:15 am last night I was wide awake. I laid in bed listening to the night sounds of our house and looking at a red light in the sky. For about ten minutes I was convinced that it was a UFO. Then I realized it was the reflection of my alarm clock. Thus is the mind of the sleep deprived.

I walked out on the deck off of our bedroom and looked at the moon. I thought of our birth mom miles away. I wondered if she was also awake. The last few weeks of pregnancy have been hard on her and she is sleepless too. Maybe we were both looking at the moon. The universe has tied us together and little things like this are seeming more and more possible to me.

The truth is, I can hardly stand myself these days. I'm all fidgety and forgetful. I feel totally exhausted and full of creative energy all at once. I was thinking about how in the movies when people can't stand themselves there is quite often a montage of them running. They just run, I guess to escape life if only for a while.

So I thought I'd give it a try.

I dropped the boy off at school and drove down to the beach. I started running. I ran eight miles, which may not seem like a lot to some of you, but for me, right now, it was a pretty long run. In the movies they always sprint down the street, so when you picture me in your head, picture me sprinting, but the truth is I just jogged.

I took my iPhone along because I was waiting for someone to call me back. I ended up snapping pictures along my route.

Here's what I saw along the way.

Leucadia doughnut is Sugar Daddy's favorite doughnut spot. They sell doughnuts and Sex Wax. That's it. And they close up shop for the day at 11 a.m.. Only on the coast. . .

When I got back to my car I took off my shoes and walked down to the ocean. I let the cold water lap against my legs and I prayed. Right there in the ocean I thanked God for everything he has given me.

I stopped at a little fruit stand on my way home and bought locally grown organic raspberries and a tangelo that I swear to you tasted like candy.

And now I feel a little better. I think at least I will sleep tonight. I'm worn out.

Tomorrow will be busy and hopefully I will be preoccupied and the day will go by quickly. I plan on setting aside a good twenty minutes to make a pillow hut with the boy and remind him that he will always be my baby, even if another one is moving in.

I'll announce the winners of the t-shirts tomorrow and I also have another giveaway for you.

Y'all come back now ya hear?