Tuesday, September 13, 2011

a room of one's own

The truth is everybody needs a space.

Everybody needs a space to go to and think. Or pray, or whatever it is you do in your still moments.

My space is my closet. I have a nice closet. Not too cramped, with a window so the light can stream in during the waning hours of the day.  I like to lay on the carpet and watch the dust particles twinkle and dance in the still air. My closet smells like me, on Sunday. It's a mixture of Quelques Fleurs perfume and leather.

This is my thinking spot. My praying spot. My leave me the hell alone spot.

Everyone needs a spot.

It needn't be a closet. Some might find solitude in wide open spaces. Or eating alone in a bustling cafe. Or in an attic or a tree.

I have a mantra when I lay in my closet that I like to say in my head. "I am enough". Because the truth is, the world makes me, and you, feel like we are not enough. But really, we are.

I don't actually repeat the words "I am enough" over and over. I just let myself feel like I am all I should be. As I lay there, I let myself feel good about who I am and what I do.  Sometimes I listen to happy music on my headphones. Sometimes I get our bamboo back scratcher and tickle my own back and think up new schemes.

In this way, my closet has become my place of possibility.

Children seem to inherently know there is magic in having a space. When I was a little girl, I went to an old barn in a peach orchard behind my house. It was a dilapidated building with loads character and a resident barn owl. I did a lot of really good thinking in that old barn. But then I grew up. And I forgot about the barn and about being still and doing nothing.

It's taken many years, but now I remember.

Everybody needs a space.

Go find yours.


Laurie LaRiviere said...

lovely post...I am enough...that's powerful, it's so true that society makes you feel like you are not enough, especially with our appearances, I seem to struggle daily with my weight issues, love to eat, but feel like I need to be a size 6 instead of a 12, maybe I am good enough the way that I am?

EntwinedEssentials said...

Oh how nice it would be to have a space. I definitely feel I need it on a daily.

Love your blog btw, you are inspiring.

the emily said...

Since we moved from UT to NM into a small apartment I haven't had a space. I'd forgotten that I needed one. Thanks for the reminder!

Also, I literally have dreams about the day I'll have a closet big enough to lay down in, and with a window. Sounds heavenly.

Kristen of GS FOoL said...

Love this post. Do well written. Long enough but not too long. Perfect in point and makeup.

Jen Edmondson said...

I just read this post. It touched me; I really liked it.

As a result, I started perusing the rest of your site....loved it! It is very inspiring. Literally in fact, I was so inspired, that I took a cue from you and wrote an "about me" piece for my own blog. http://fineline-antiques.blogspot.com/2011/09/who-am-i.html.

Thank you for the inspiration.

I look forward to your next post.

Elizabeth said...

I so needed this post this morning. I am grateful for it. Thank you.

Kelly(M&M) said...

I didn't know I needed this post, but I did. The "I am enough" part really hit home for me. You are a beautiful writer. I do have my own space, but it changes. It is when I go for a run, or sit at the piano, or read scriptures in quiet. I discovered in the past few years how much I need my own quiet, whenever I can take it!