good morning sunshine

I painfully opened just one eye this morning.

The room was strewn with bottles. Piles of soiled clothing dotted the floor. The sun singed my retina so I quickly shut my eye. I took stock of my limbs. One leg was totally void of any feeling. The sheets were twisted tightly above the knee forming a very effective tourniquet. My arms had evidently gained fifty pounds each while I slept. There was no moving.

Hazy images rolled through my brain of the night before. The drinking, the singing, the slow dancing in the dark. The poopy diapers and formula powder.

Then I remembered the baby. My eyes flew open in a panic and found her nestled in the sheets as happy and pink as a puppy's tongue. Oh good. She was asleep. Finally asleep. I closed my eyes again. What a wild night we'd had.

Crunch crunch crunch. What's that sound? What's that smell?

"Mooooommmmm. Mommmmyyyy."

He was two inches from my face. He had a bag of cheddar Sun Chips.

"You were asleep so I got my own breakfast. Are you going to get up now? Get up Mom. Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!"

Who taught him that saying? Why is it so bright in here? Oh the inhumanity!

"What time is it?"

"Let me see. . .six, dot, dot, three, two, A."

I released my leg of the tourniquet and tried to lay motionless while the blood returned.

"Hey Thomas, be a dear and fetch your old mom a Red Bull will ya?"

"Uh. Okay. Can I get a cherry soda for me too?"

"Thom, it's six thirty in the morning."

"Well you're having a Red Bull."

Touché.

"Oh alright."

And so starts our day.

I'm expecting the Mom of the Year award any day.