Tuesday, June 16, 2009

i don't need to see your nipples to know you are pretty

So I quit buying Vogue because there was just way too much gratuitous nipplage. I'm a mother. I don't want to look at all the deathly skinny models perky tweeny boobs. I want to be inspired, not depressed because I have nursed a child and he sucked all the perk right out of me.

I plan on bringing that up one of these days when he says "You never let me do anything!" I'll say, "Oh yes I do. I let you turn my tight body into a blob of warm dough with stretch marks. That's how much I love you." I'm thinking fifteen might be the right age to use that bullet. In front of his friends for effect.

Where was I? Oh, boobs.

Anyway, I'm sick of them and I decided to do something about it. I subscribed to Eliza. Here's the little blurb the Editor gives about the magazine:

ELIZA Magazine is created for women who want to be stylish, sexy, and engaged in the world while retaining high standards in dress, entertainment, and lifestyle. In a media culture that frequently objectifies and commercializes women and their bodies, ELIZA strives to provide an alternative to the current mainstream media that emphasizes sex and skin in order to push products or sell magazines.

So, basically it's for moms like me that have a whole lot of somethin', somethin' to cover up.

Here's a peek at some of my favorite fashions from Eliza.

Have absolutely no where to wear this cape to but I soooo wish I did. Now the hat, I could find somewhere to wear that for sure.

Wishing I could rock coral lipstick. Not happening.

Must acquire this headband today, or tomorrow at the latest.

This dress I love sooo much I contacted the vintage clothing store that was credited in the magazine to see if it was still available. No go.

However, if I ever have an occasion to wear such a dress, I know several wonderful seamstresses who I can call on to recreate it for me.

It's in my style books (more on those later).
I think I'd skip the hat and opt for this veil. Would it be weird if I wore something like this to the grocery store? I lourvvvve it that much.

Okay, enough day dreaming. Time to break out the Oxy Clean and try to salvage what's left of Amelie's cute outfit after this morning's blow out.

I'm so glamorous.


brooke said...

oh my gosh YES that magazine looks amazing...i bought a cosmo for the first time in YEARS the other day to send to c for some silly entertainment reading and decided first to have to a look and ummm...anymore i think these magazines are meant for the 19-23 year olds of the world...which is probably the last time i bought one...but everything was so outdated and the same news spun different ways...

but these photos...i'll take one of everything please!

ChelMo said...

Eliza's definitely filling a HUGE void in the fashion world. Absolutely gorgeous! Where ever did you find it? Can you get it at B&N or Borders? I need to get my hands on that.

Also, I have a gift for Amelie. When could I come by to drop it off?

Corinne said...

Hi April, you are soooo funny! Glad to see humor is intact, even if other bits are...um, droopy. Anyway, I loved the veil. When I was a kid I would spend ages cutting up the net bags that oranges came in so I could fashion veils for myself. I'd also make a little pill box hat by cutting up a cereal box. I thought it was a stunning creation. where or where did my creativity go? now I'm a bit sad.

Anonymous said...

These are some fabulous shots. I just picked one up at my Barnes & Noble and I know you can subscribe for the whole year online.

Tree said...

Hi, Ape!
Tree here! Nice to see Eliza getting some good exposure, I have been touting Eliza to my daughters friends, and Young Women groups. It's a great Magazine and it doesn't hurt that it was created by my husbands Niece Summer Bellessa.... she is/was a model...she's featured in some of the earlier issues.

Tree said...

correction.... my husbands cousin,NOT niece, he wanted me to clarify...I'm not married to some old geezer....

Elizabeth said...

Thanks for the tip about Eliza. Can't wait to look for it. I am actually quite partial to More Magazine, but I don't think you're forty yet, and sadly it's for the over forty set, like me.

Postcards and Coasters said...

Wow...I must be out of the loop...never heard of Eliza? And flight attendants get all the goods people leave behind!

I also toss the Vogues etc. Not sure I care whether or not they have nipplage but they really weigh down my roller bags... already heavy enough!

Emilee said...

You could totally pull off coral. I didn't think I could do it either, and bam! I made the decision and never looked back. You would be one hot mom with a veil and coral lipstick. Do it or else.