Thursday, November 18, 2010

confessions of a perfectionist turned mother of three




Lately life has been, well, tumultuous.

We've had our fair share of the crud, passed around between family members like a hot potato. There was a very unfortunate run in with poison oak, a broken car window, discontent at the office and a small flea infestation. On the dog, not the people.

I sat down with the best of intentions of writing a festive holiday post. Really I did. But my mind took me to other places and hours passed and in the end I had created a graphic, not a blog post.

But the graphic perfectly emulates my life right now. I've never been so blessed and yet some days I want to hold a gun to my head and scream at everyone to step away. Leave me alone. And don't touch the freaking fridge because I can't take anymore fingerprints on the stainless steel. For Pete's sake.

I reflect on how blessed I am several times a day. I have the life I wanted as a little girl. I have the life I want now.

But sometimes the fingerprints and the dirty diapers and the hullabaloo drive me to stuff Dove chocolates in my mouth as fast as I can unwrap them and mutter incoherently to myself.

Someday I'll get this motherhood thing down.  Someday I'll be able to roll with the chaos.  But I gotta be honest. Right now it's hard.  

On a lighter note, I'm happy to report that the poison oak and the fleas have been eradicated and life is starting to settle down to it's normal, harebrained pace.  Just in time for a twelve hour car ride to Grandma's for Thanksgiving. Goodie.

10 comments:

Rebecca said...

I hear ya! Maybe we could get a two for one on straight jackets and rocking chairs :)

Natalie said...

i'm so relieved i'm not the only one who, as you put it, "is driven to stuff dove chocolates in my mouth as fast as i can unwrap them and mutter incoherently to myself." well put - exactly my life - every day about 3.30.

Laurie said...

Oh how those Dove chocolates are there to save the day...we are about to drive 16 hours to Disney with a two year old, and two teens in the van, hoping the movies will keep them occupied, but I am preparing for the worst...fighting between the older ones...tantrums and diaper changes at every stop...Calgon take me away...have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Jansie said...

I love hearing from honest Mom's who confirm my fears that having kids is not all cute outfits and lollipops that somehow don't dribble.
I want a baby but these things scare me. Maybe I'll stick with dogs. ;) Thank you for being honest and I do understand that you LOVE your children and would never trade them for the world. But it's just that..it's hard sometimes.
*Sending you some peace and quiet karma.*

Corinne said...

April, I'm addicted to your blog and really should comment more often, but then you go and post this, proving you are human (as opposed to super-human) after all, and I have to say thank you. Hang in there, you are amazing. (so I'm not the only one eating dove's as fast as I can unwrap them!)

Jasmine Bailey-Barfuss said...

oi, yeah, I hear ya sister...

Elizabeth said...

Oh, I love that graphic. Perfection.

Michelle said...

Reminds me of something Tara Whitney wrote once about mothering her 4 kids -- that she sometimes wished she was the "Aunt" and could just go home! I feel that way myself every week of my life:)

Bonnie said...

Oh it is hard....but so worth it! I look at my kids aged 9 and 7 now and WISH for that baby stage again...it goes so fast. I miss them as babies, even with all the nappies, puking on car long journeys and the like... We all feel like running away sometimes...so don' feel alone. I am sure there isn't a mother on earth that hasn't felt like that and then that same day, hugged her kids close and wondered how she would survive without them! It's great you can be so honest.

cbk said...

Oh how I understand, sometimes there are just days (weeks?) like that. A small aside, the cleaning lady sent by our contractor after the kitchen renovation told me to use a light coat of baby oil put on with Bounty paper towel (only Bounty, others would scratch her suggestion) and buffed with a dry one - would work wonders for fingerprints on the stainless, and it really does work.