keeping my chins up

At 1:24 last night my eyes popped open and I was sure I was having a heart attack.

Serious. As a heart attack.

I went through the list of symptoms:
Shortness of breath, check.
Pain radiating from my chest down my arm, check.
Nausea, check,
Back pain, check.
Lightheadedness, check, check, check.

I was dying. And Ben was at the Jade market in Hong Kong.

And then it dawned on me it might be heart burn, which I've never had before. I took an aspirin and a Pepcid. I wreathed around in pain for a good two hours then drifted back off to sleep.

I'm generally not a dramatic person. Oh shut up, I'm not.

I don't get too excited over aches and pains, but this really scared me.

And I gotta tell ya. My hats' off to all you working single parents. How in the hell do you do it? I'm so stressed I'm having fake heart attacks.

I've been baking to help myself cope which is a really bad thing to do. Treats last too long in this house with out The Gobbler, a.k.a. Sugar Daddy, around.

joy

Hummm. I wonder if it has contributed to my "heart attack"? Too many sweets?


So I'm baking and eating and by the time my husband comes home I should look just like a root beer barrel.

Ummm. Root beer....

Anyway, I've hatched a diabolical plan so that I won't look so fat next to everyone else. I'm sharing my (ahem, I mean, my friend Johnna's) peanut butter cookie recipe that will change your life. And your thighs.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

* two cubes butter

* one cup brown sugar

* one cup sugar

* two eggs

* one tsp. vanilla

* one cup peanut butter- the cheap stuff, like Skippy or Jiff

Cream together.

Add:

* two tsp. soda

*one quarter tsp. salt

* three cups flour

And lastly:

* one bag peanut butter and chocolate chips

Make em big. Criss cross with a fork on top.

Bake at 350 for fifteen to eighteen minutes until golden on the edges.

Enjoy. A lot of them. Really.

And don't, (Jenny I'm talking to you here) bastardize this recipe by trying to make it all healthy and crap by substituting whole wheat flour and natural peanut butter. These cookies are what they are and really, if you want something healthy, eat some cottage cheese.

runner up

Fashion really is what it's all about, BUT the treats are a close runner up.


Wilton has some really fun baking kits out this year. They really spice up your goodies.

Too bad I can't actually eat these morsels. Alas, Nazi Natalie is sticking to the one treat a week rule.

A big wet raspberry to that.

just say campy

In my book, the very best birthdays aren't the big over blown celebrations involving blow up bounceys and expensive entertainers. No, no.

Birthdays are done better on a smaller, more intimate scale.

Sometimes I think the days of homemade birthday cakes are long gone. I feel so lucky that as a kid my mother made me campy little birthday cakes, perfectly, imperfect. Like the Raggedy Ann cake that will live in my memory as the best thing to ever come out of my mother's kitchen.

Jo invited us over to celebrate little Sam's first birthday. She asked, in that British accent of hers that gets me every time, if I would bring some cupcakes for the party.

I was shooting for campy. I wanted perfectly, imperfect. I was hoping to create nostalgia and not just a huge mess.

They were a hit.

Oh the things a person can do with plastic cocktail accessories!

All the children had a cupcake. Some had at least three that we know of. And then there was Sugar Daddy, so named for more than one reason, he had one too. Earlier in the day he had put dibs on the pink and purple one with the chesty mermaid on top.

It was a wonderful afternoon, celebrating a wonderful child that holds a special place in my heart. Happy Birthday Sam!

P.S. If you think you might like to make the cupcake cones for an upcoming event, beware, they are a bugger to transport.

amour cliche'

Sugar Daddy and I aren't too much with the romance. Never have been. I don't mean to say that we don't try to seduce each other. We do. It's just a little more subtle than average.

For instance, I might say, "You know, you're a real smart ass." And he will respond, "Why thank you. You crafty little minx." Then, well, it's on.

So Valentine's day really isn't our "thing". We might exchange little token gifts, but for the most part, we don't make a big deal about it.

BUT- what I do love about Valentine's Day is the kitchyness. I relish the cheesy cards and the campy store bought goodies. I mean, who doesn't love conversation hearts? Really.

Is Valentine's a Hallmark holiday? Why yes it is! And that's what is so great about it! Elementary school would never have been the same without chintzy little cards made from red doilies and decorated shoebox mailboxes.

Thom and I are all over it, getting ready for the big day. We have all the Valentine's ready to take to school.

The hearts are hung in the window with care, in hopes that St. Valentine will show up and leave a couple hundred bucks on the counter.

The big pink sugar cookies are frosted with almond buttercream and ready to deliver. Scrumdillyumptious!

And the campy handmade Valentines are in the mail to their intended sweetheart.

Here's Cupid himself, lips pursed in concentration, crafting a card for his cousins. Notice the chocolate smears all over his shirt? We needed sustenance while we worked.

This is my mantra for today: Let. Love. Live. However you do it. Don't quash the vibe. If you are fancy pants lovey dovey, do that. If you are simple and sweet like Sugar Daddy and I, put the kids to bed, break out the Netflix and Ben and Jerry's and nestle in.

mysophobia

Today is officially Christmas cookie baking day. I know that Thom would LOVE to stay home from school and help bake. He loves making anything in the kitchen. But, there are too many fun things going on at his school to let him miss. That, and the grubby hand factor. There is a lot of finger licking and touching of everything that goes on when I cook with Thom.

That's the way it is with kids. They get into the nitty gritty of every project. This is why, I'm sorry to report, if you give my family a plate of homemade goodies, and declare that the children helped make them, I will thank you profusely and then promptly deposit them in the round file as soon as I shut the door. I know this is a terribly cruel thing to do, not to mention wasteful, but it is a hurdle (mysophobia) I am yet to overcome. Further more, I will probably lie and tell you your cookies were delicious when you ask. These are my deep black secrets I like to publicly air on the internet.

I am currently in the process of picking out a charity to donate to. Hopefully this will balance out the equilibrium of my bad deeds.

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

par-tay

Considering the fact that we were partially comatose and totally out of whack due to traveling on Thom's real birthday, we are celebrating today. We've got a handful of families coming over to watch a movie on our back lawn after the sun goes down. We've got something like 15 pounds of candy for the "concessions stand". We've got popcorn, We've got snow cones. We've got glow sticks and bouncy balls. We're ready.

I made cupcakes instead of a cake this year. It is just easier when you have a lot of people to serve. Besides, I'm partial to cupcakes.

There are several huge advantages to having a boy (faster hair styling, less shoe purchasing and the whole pee factor*) however, cute birthday parties are not one of them. When you have boys, you may be able to get away with cute birthdays for the first two to three years, then things take a sharp turn to the ugly, i.e. Spiderman, Transformers, Pokemon.

I found a loop hole in cupcakes. Boys don't seem to notice if you beautify their birthday cupcakes. Don't try this with an actual birthday cake, from personal experience I can tell you, it doesn't fly.

*There isn't a day that goes by that I don't enjoy the benefits of having a boy when it comes to urinating. This is especially wonderful if you have mysophobia (fear of germs) and public restrooms seem like mine fields. I am all about peeing in the bushes, even outside of Target. Er- I mean Thom. Thom peeing in the bushes, not me. I personally brave the bathrooms with custom crafted paper towel gloves. As a general rule I don't pee outside. I think that would be against the law, right?

forbidden fruit à la mode

I have been thinking lately. I have been thinking, that is, about food, specially sweets, because this is what I do when I try to diet. I think about sweets ALL THE TIME.

So I was thinking about Eve. You know, Eve of the Bible. Quite frankly, I'm not buying the forbidden apple story. I have serious doubts that it was any kind of fruit at all. I mean really, she choose to fall from grace over a piece of fruit? Was it sugared or poached? Was it served à la mode? I think what the bible really means by "forbidden fruit", is the fruit of the labors of a baker who was indeed an angel and thus made the most heavenly, most delicious confections to be found. I'm guessing it was chocolate, some kind of moist, gooey, rich dark chocolate ganache torte. That would do it.

I have a small confession to make. Yesterday, or really since I posted on Tuesday and mentioned coconut cupcakes, I have been craving them. I had a moment of weakness and broke out the muffin pan. I made myself feel a little better by taking half of them to a friend who is nursing and was just told she can't have chocolate anymore. I ate one after dinner last night and another first thing when I got up this morning. I am a weak, foolish woman when it comes to sweets. Thank goodness Thom just finished the last one.

how to pleasantly shock your children

Okay, you are going to need:

* a very busy day

* a crowded store

* children who are tired and hungry

* a bark collar for each child

Very funny, I know. But don't act like you haven't thought of it before.

Imagine the look on your child's face as they come to the breakfast table, hair askew, eyes still puffy and jammies rumpled, and you lovingly offer them a Popsicle for breakfast. I don't know how this will go over in your house, but let me tell ya, my boy nearly killed over in amazment.

Tovolo Popsicle Molds are available on Amazon. They have a variety of shapes available. The flower petal pops are soooo cute and girly, you must order some, if that's how your family rolls.

Around here, homemade Popsicles are the best thing since sliced bread. I blend up all kinds of goodness and freeze it into pops. The boy doesn't seem to care that they are yogurt/juice/berry pops instead of high fructose corn syrup/benzoate/sulphite. If it's frozen into the shape of a rocket, it could be asparagus flavor for all he cares. Well, asparagus might be stretching it a bit, he does, however, love to eat frozen peas, not unlike a little koi fish.

My next batch will be yogurt/berry/granola blend. A true breakfast treat. There are lots of recipes online and most of them are fairly healthy.

It feels sooo good sometimes to say yes, instead of no, not that, no, not for breakfast, no that will rot your teeth. So when the little rodent stumbles down the stairs for breakfast these days I say, sure Thom, you can have a Popsicle, would you like a cookie to go with it?