Tuesday, March 16, 2010

keeping my chins up

At 1:24 last night my eyes popped open and I was sure I was having a heart attack.

Serious. As a heart attack.

I went through the list of symptoms:
Shortness of breath, check.
Pain radiating from my chest down my arm, check.
Nausea, check,
Back pain, check.
Lightheadedness, check, check, check.

I was dying. And Ben was at the Jade market in Hong Kong.

And then it dawned on me it might be heart burn, which I've never had before. I took an aspirin and a Pepcid. I wreathed around in pain for a good two hours then drifted back off to sleep.

I'm generally not a dramatic person. Oh shut up, I'm not.

I don't get too excited over aches and pains, but this really scared me.

And I gotta tell ya. My hats' off to all you working single parents. How in the hell do you do it? I'm so stressed I'm having fake heart attacks.

I've been baking to help myself cope which is a really bad thing to do. Treats last too long in this house with out The Gobbler, a.k.a. Sugar Daddy, around.


Hummm. I wonder if it has contributed to my "heart attack"? Too many sweets?

So I'm baking and eating and by the time my husband comes home I should look just like a root beer barrel.

Ummm. Root beer....

Anyway, I've hatched a diabolical plan so that I won't look so fat next to everyone else. I'm sharing my (ahem, I mean, my friend Johnna's) peanut butter cookie recipe that will change your life. And your thighs.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies
* two cubes butter
* one cup brown sugar
* one cup sugar
* two eggs
* one tsp. vanilla
* one cup peanut butter- the cheap stuff, like Skippy or Jiff
Cream together.
* two tsp. soda
*one quarter tsp. salt
* three cups flour
And lastly:
* one bag peanut butter and chocolate chips
Make em big. Criss cross with a fork on top.
Bake at 350 for fifteen to eighteen minutes until golden on the edges.
Enjoy. A lot of them. Really.

And don't, (Jenny I'm talking to you here) bastardize this recipe by trying to make it all healthy and crap by substituting whole wheat flour and natural peanut butter. These cookies are what they are and really, if you want something healthy, eat some cottage cheese.


Jill said...

I'm cursing you for sending some of these DELICIOUS treasures home with me. Thanks alot! First your cookies and now the Girl Scouts delivered my order. BLAST! Don't think I won't remember this when you come to visit again sister! I'll be sending you home with 2 dozen cocunut cupcakes. AHHH ... cupcakes!

Love ya lots!

JanMary said...


Happy St Patrick's Day from N Ireland :)

Jenn said...

I can't imagine choosing cottage cheese over peanut butter cookies. Those will be my downfall, I just know it...

DomestiKatie. said...

HAHAHAHA "bastardize". thank you, april. i need these cookies just the way they are. YUMMMM.

T. The Destructor said...

I might as well just give up the whole 'let's be healthy' thing. I could probably make a market out of being the World's only African-American female sumo wrestler.

I should start tonight. With the cookies.

Beth said...

ahahahahaha OMG! that last part was freaking hilarious! I just copied and pasted that recipe into my email. thank you!

Jeanette said...

Oh, I miss peanut butter cookies - haven't seen a good gluten-free recipe yet. Oddly, I am drinking a ROOTBEER while I read this - can you see through the screen or something?

Studio 111 said...

I just started having heart burn in the middle of the night and I seriously thought it was a heart attack too!!!! Sometimes I still do because it hurts SO bad! I'm making those cookies this weekend.. :)

Carmie, the Single Nester said...

I too had the same symptons a year ago and it turned out to be eating too much and then laying down right after. I was scared though so I know what you went through. It hasn't happened since then.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you are ok. drooling over those cookies.

Melissa said...

Sorry, but how much is two cubes of butter? I've never heard that before. These sound delish!

Kristi Kroeger said...

I think the heart knew what the mind couldn't yet comprehend...so much can happen in a week eh?