zerrissentheit & apfelstrudel

In another life I think I might have become a lexicographer. I do love words and few things give me as much satisfaction as when I discover a new word that so precisely describes the inner works of my disheveled mind.

I ran across "zerrissentheit" the other day in a magazine. It is a German word that means "disjointedness, disunity, inner turmoil".

Lately, I feel like a circus performer juggling, balancing and sweating like crazy to keep up. I've got the motherhood ball which is by far the most important and also the most awkward to keep in sync with my jewelry business ball and my drive to create art ball. And then there is my church work ball and my housework ball.

Not to mention that my leotard is pinching into my chubby thighs and reminding me that I really need to be running everyday.

So I'm trying to juggle all of these balls. Keep them up in the air and look good doing it.

It's total zerrissentheit and not very eloquent.

There's another German word that I love. Gemütlichkeit. It means "a warm, comfortable, convivial atmosphere, coziness".

I was thinking the other day that I'm not one looking for perfection. I think we've established that. I know that my children won't remember that the house was perfectly clean on Christmas morning, but they will remember if their mother was happy.

What I really want is a little gemütlichkeit in my house. I want peace and quiet and happy children with rosy cheeks and full bellies. And if I am surrounded by great arts and crafts, that's gravy my friends, gravy.

Jo has an apple tree, which in and of itself is quaint and storybook, but it also gives apples. It's a giving tree. The apples are tart and crisp and perfect for baking.

I thought to myself, that if I have to face a life full of zerriseentheit, I might as well get a little gemütlichkeit in there to balance it out.

I set out to make some apfelstrudel for my little family.

Then I realized just how much work the dough is to make and I thought- crap. All I need is more big project.

So I decided to whip up a batch of cinnamon rolls and add in little chunks of Jo's tart little apples. I also added some walnuts, currants and brown sugar oh my! Obliviously the pinching leotard wasn't bothering me that much.

Sometimes it's the littlest things that bring gemütlichkeit to your life.

The smell of warm cinnamon rolls wafting through the house.

The hound dog curled up on the kitchen rug.

The sound of your parents laughing together.

Your son smiling up at you with frosting on his lips when he tells you that your are the world's best mom.

I'll be the poster girl for a zerrissentheit life for the rest of my life if only I can have moments like these.