Tuesday, April 12, 2011

blood is thicker than water

Do you think we look alike?

I want to say something to everyone today.

DNA dosen't mean crap.

And I have a little story to illustrate my point.

Some years ago, even before The Boy was born, The Sugar Daddy and I were starting to consider adoption.  And I was down with it. Except

Except I was sad that my children wouldn't look like me.

One day I was home alone thinking about this and feeling a little upset, shuffling around the house in my pajamas.  I went to get a cheese stick out of the refrigerator.  At the time we had the kind of fridge that you can hang stuff on with magnets and we had the whole front covered with photos and what not.

So I was getting this cheese stick and one photo in particular caught my eye.  It was a photo of my younger brother, The Rooster.

Now, The Rooster and I, well, we don't look a thing alike.  We share the same DNA, but you'd never know it.


Matter of fact, I don't look a whole lot like any of my siblings.  We are a strange family that way.  Do I love them less?  

So I saw this photo and I was struck by the fact that DNA doesn't mean crap.  It may get you your grandmother's nose, and a kidney if you need it, but it doesn't make you family.

A body is made of cells.  Dust to dust, ashes to ashes.  It's all just matter.  Crap, if you will.

People tell me my babies look like me.  I think people want my babies to look like me.  I don't know why. Maybe it's some underlying way of reassuring themselves that these children were meant for our family.  That the universe got it right.

I get that.

But let me ask you this.  I have a friend who's father was a serial murder.  She is a beautiful, amazing person. Did the universe get that wrong?

Blood is thicker than water, but blood is just blood.  

Just sayin'

19 comments:

Molly said...

This is true! Everyone thinks my adopted baby brother is my child, ha ha! We have the same nose and act a like. Now if you see me, my mama and my sister all together people think we are tripletts and not mother daughter and sister. Funny how things work out. But I believe God puts people in your life for a reason, even if you look em' or not. Happy Tuesday!
~Molly P

mjatpc said...

see. this is why i love your blog. keep them coming.

Kari said...

I worried that there was some connection about babies that came from your body that I wouldn't feel if I adopted. Didn't know until I jumped and found I couldn't possibly love them more.
Funny the things we worry about, when we look back on them with experience.
Never, though, did worry about them not looking like me--I pitied the child who would get this nose and forehead. The only way I could ever get beautiful children was to borrow from another gene pool. (And folks still say they look like me. I think it's a result of trying to learn (memorize) who we are--they're looking for similarities to help them recognize us a family.)

Christina said...

Oh how I love reading your posts. My kids are adopted and my 11 year old daughter is blond and blue eyed just like me. She comments how it was just meant to be that we are mother and daughter since we look exactly alike. My son on the other hand is a red head but people insist he too looks just like me. I think it is the human need to categorize that makes them see similarities where really there probably aren't. Keep up the fantastically honest, heartfelt and spot on writing!!

Alison said...

Nice post! Very tough to tell nature from nurture sometimes. But really, "nurture" is all we can control. So that's where we ought to focus...

Kayla said...

so true! :)

Elizabeth said...

I agree. I think there's far too much myth about "family" and what constitutes family -- as if blood is all. YOUR family, in every sense of the word is a beautiful one --

tollestrupfamily said...

hear, hear. I look more like Jessica than Natalie. Go figure. Although we all look different our mannerisms are so similar that the physical just fades.

PaperPumpkin said...

♥ I love this post. (I don't look ANYTHING like my parents or brothers). Family is love.

PaperPumpkin said...

♥ I love this post. (I don't look ANYTHING like my parents or brothers). Family is love.

Deb said...

This is an awesome post!
I am adopted and have been told my whole life that I look just like my mum! (we don't really... but we both have very curly hair, which helps the similarity stakes)

I know your feeling about wanting someone to look like you - But I think, in the long run, looks are overrated... it's the heart connection that matters in the end. :)

april said...

I LOVE all the adoption stories!!! Keep em comin!

Hello*Lucky*Holly said...

My Dad was adopted in the late 50's and he looks a LOT like his folks. There is a classic photo of Dad (about 6 yrs old) and Grandad working in the garden with their singlets and shorts on - they look like blood.

So much of looking a like is the subconcious learned behaviour of expression and voice inflections.

It's love that makes a mother and child become one, not blood.

Jan Quigley said...

I have several adopted cousins but 2 in particular, a boy & girl, were chosen for my aunty & uncle because they were redheads & my uncle was a redhead. It was never a secret they were adopted but people not in the loop never guessed they were. On the other hand my eldest ds is 6'2" with beautiful red hair. My dh is 5'4" with dark brown hair. Many people have had difficulty believing they are father & son, they are, lol. It's about love, not looks or blood.

Bonnie said...

I agree with you. I have friends who more my family than some of my family! It's about who you decide to love and cherish. I mean my own hubby is the most important person to me. My family....there is no blood tie there! I sure don't deny the connection between biological parents and children. I mean I have two children, born from me, and the bond is there but I don't deny also that you can adopt a baby and love it just the same. Love is all powerful.

Kristin said...

I dont know if you knew this... but I am adopted. I know. I know... people cant tell ;)

Anonymous said...

That's because DNA doesn't make noses or serial killer dads it makes proteins. At any time during the process things can be altered, inhibted, destroyed, etc. It's called epigenetics. It's too bad we spend so much time thinking and reacting to our "inheritance" especially regarding our families.

Anonymous said...

Oh - and because environment likely has a stronger influence on a majority of deterministic variables, your children will likely grow up with the desire and ability to have a super expensive built in refrigerator that prevents the attachment of magnets(:

spark {the event} said...

Who is this smarty pants "Anonymous" person? You are cracking me up.

Noting your big words for future use.