Tuesday, August 09, 2011

sucking it in

I awoke in the middle of the night last night and I was sucking in my stomach.

In my sleep.

I've been sucking in my stomach since I was like eight years old.  It's become habit.

And quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

I laid in bed and thought about how my deepest desire is to live an authentic life. A life where I know who I am and what I want and I'm happy with what I have.  It's important to me that others see me for exactly what I am. And except me.

Love me even.  Belly and all.

And then I thought about the women in my life that I most admire. And how most of them haven't seen a size six in decades.

I try everyday to be authentic in everything I do. I don't hide my problems. I don't buy things I can't afford. I don't believe in flattery or lip service.

But I suck it in. All the time. I guess my physical self image is the last frontier. I really really really want to be happy with the way I look.  I want to accept my imperfections and be grateful that I am healthy.

I'm just not sure how to go about it. Maybe I'll buy a book or something.

And I'm open to suggestions. Really. I don't want to wake up sucking it in ever again.


Jill said...

If you figure it out, will you let me know? And btw ... I love you just the way you are. Except for the fact that you live to far away.

Thanks for being one of the women in my life who I truly admire and love!

the emily said...

ditto. also, you're so cute.

Jen said...

This made me laugh! I suck in too - all the time! I'd like to say I'll stop but I'm pretty sure it's a habit!!

Jana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bethany said...

Oh my, I needed to read this today. I am not alone!

I'd say I'm like you: I try to be authentic and genuine in everything, accepting the say I am...except this. I'm in the process of planning my wedding, namely finding a dress...and the only thing I've thought about for days is, "I don't want to look fat on my wedding day." I've cried about it, whined about it...I wake up in the middle of the night thinking it! Who does that!?

But I'm unsure of how to change that mental process. Perhaps I need to tune out my own thoughts on the subject, and temporarily tune into those who I admire and who love me...wobbly bits and all. :)

Jana said...

Forget the sucking in part. Painful, and for the most part, quite useless.... except it does use a few of those hidden muscles. More important than that is to stand up straight, shoulders back, chest out (if not up), head high with a killer smile planted on it! Confidence defies size, age and "unlucky genes." Nothing matters but a positive attitude of who you are and what you are becoming. Face life with an "I love who I am attitude" and nothing else matters. People aren't drawn to you for a flat belly (if they are, that just screams "SHALLOW!") they're drawn to you for WAY more than THAT. Nobody says "I love her cute belly" unless they're referring to a chubby little toddler or a first time prego mother-to-be. And nobody ever says, "I've never met a flat belly I didn't love." Well, maybe a trainer would say something like that, or those skinny chicks, or the "BODY BEAUTIFULS" of the world. Are you kidding me....are they even for real? Ok now, back to reality. Flat bellies have no personality. They are just and only that, simply FLAT!" But YOU, my sure-to-be, soon-to-be friend, are full of everything others love. Accept,embrace and love who you are and others will love you too. SO.... stop turning blue!

See you at SPARK, I'll be there with a smile!

tollestrupfamily said...

Let's start a national don't suck in day. Every female will feel liberated! Then it will become cool to have a gut and we can rock it with pride. I like to pretend that I would have been en vogue in the 1700's when it was beautiful to be curvy. Everything else from that century is cool and valuable why not the curvy women trend?

Elizabeth said...

I'm a bit older than you -- a mighty bit, maybe. I think the years going by lessen that feeling. At 47 I do have days where I bemoan my size and hearken back to the days when I was effortlessly thin, but they grow less and less. I'm not sure if it's resignation or just good sense -- I feel like a strong and healthy woman, though -- sort of like my peasant Italian grandmother. Besides, I'm still the babe on the homecoming court on the inside!

Finally, I've seen you in person and you're gorgeous. Radiant, actually.

Elizabeth said...

And a LOT younger than me, I imagine -- therefore you might feel like sucking it in for a long time until you've reached my crusty age.

Cindy at LottieBird said...

Sucking it in causes intestinal pain and eventually stomach problems. My MIL discovered this after 60 years (!) of sucking it in. Her doc told her to just stop it.
Does that help?
Now, docs also tell us to eat healthy.
Does that help?

Read Rhonda Britten's book "Do I look Fat in This? Get Over Your Body and On with Your Life". Really read it.
(and then tell me to get off my butt and read it, too)


patty said...

i wish i was "sucking it in"...i should be! i think i have alway pushed "it" out... buddha style...lol...and it stayed that way!

thanks for the giggle...

sarah-lucy said...

Can I recommend the books of Geneen Roth? SInce you're looking to buy a book or something. My favorite is called Breaking Free from Emotional Eating. I think you'd like it because it's all about being authentic about one's interactions with food and body image.