secondsister suaviloquy

Dear Sugar Daddy,

I miss you. It broke my heart to bring our son home from the hospital alone. It seemed so wrong. This is a thing we do together. I sit in the back with the baby and you drive ridiculously slow all the way home. This is what we do.

But it is a little different this time around. How many times have you flown back and forth from California to Utah? I lost track.

Sometimes at night I lay awake and worry. I worry about the little things. Where will we put the crib? Who can I get to bring Thom home from school if the babies are sleeping? Just how much will we be spending on formula every week?

I was thinking today about kaleidoscopes. I want an old hard wood and brass kaleidoscope. Have I ever told you that? Surely I have. I have always loved kaleidoscopes and I want to find a really old neat one.

So I was thinking today about this kaleidoscope while I folded clothes.

And I was thinking that if I were to find an antique one, it may require some repair. And then I thought, well I would have to take it some where because I couldn't bear to take it apart and see its insides. The little sharp pieces of hardware that make it work . I don't want to see them.

Because if I see the inner working of this kaleidoscope then the magic would be gone. It would just be an instrument.

And then my mind drifted back to the current state of affairs. And I started to worry and plan and dissect the situation as I so often do.

I realized something. I'm making the magic go away.

Benjamin, let's not worry about how we are going to get Birdie's bed home on top of the car or when we can get Finnigan back from your parents. Let's just look at our kids and let the magic carry us.

Come back. You need to hold your children.

And me.

Love,

A


I created all the kaleidoscope images using my own photos on this fun site.