Saturday, April 10, 2010

Dear Sugar Daddy,

I miss you. It broke my heart to bring our son home from the hospital alone. It seemed so wrong. This is a thing we do together. I sit in the back with the baby and you drive ridiculously slow all the way home. This is what we do.

But it is a little different this time around. How many times have you flown back and forth from California to Utah? I lost track.

Sometimes at night I lay awake and worry. I worry about the little things. Where will we put the crib? Who can I get to bring Thom home from school if the babies are sleeping? Just how much will we be spending on formula every week?

spring branch kaleidoscope

I was thinking today about kaleidoscopes. I want an old hard wood and brass kaleidoscope. Have I ever told you that? Surely I have. I have always loved kaleidoscopes and I want to find a really old neat one.

So I was thinking today about this kaleidoscope while I folded clothes.

And I was thinking that if I were to find an antique one, it may require some repair. And then I thought, well I would have to take it some where because I couldn't bear to take it apart and see its insides. The little sharp pieces of hardware that make it work . I don't want to see them.

lantern kaleidoscope

Because if I see the inner working of this kaleidoscope then the magic would be gone. It would just be an instrument.

Berry kaleidoscope

And then my mind drifted back to the current state of affairs. And I started to worry and plan and dissect the situation as I so often do.

I realized something. I'm making the magic go away.

Benjamin, let's not worry about how we are going to get Birdie's bed home on top of the car or when we can get Finnigan back from your parents. Let's just look at our kids and let the magic carry us.

Come back. You need to hold your children.

And me.


I created all the kaleidoscope images using my own photos on this fun site.


Jenny said...

I am just catching up on a few of your posts and I have to say that I am filled with joy and heartbreak after reading them. What a blessing that new baby is! You must miss your husband terribly right now. My prayers are with you and your family.

I still would love to have you advertise on my blog when you are in a place to do that. Your creations are absolutely beautiful. I have a few favorites that I would love to have!

Elizabeth said...

Beautiful post -- I can't wait to hear about the new little one and am sorry to hear of the absence of your dear husband. I know that must be hard. As the mother of three children, I can assure you that all your wonderings will fall into place and everything will be fine.

Heather at All A Flutter said...

beautiful! a reminder we all let the magic carry us.

RitterB's said...

I do like magic.

michelle said...

I love when you get those moments when suddenly everything makes sense. And I love kaleidoscopes and I love magic

Julie said...

Miss you so much.

T. The Destructor said...

What a beautiful letter. So honest and loving and revealing. Thank you for allowing us to see this part of life. I know I never see this for myself, it's nice to know this love exists somewhere in the world.

Lee Vandeman said...

Oh my. What a post. It literally took my breath away.

Ahhh yes the magic. I'm gonna go grab me some....

Jessa said...

Your writing and your story and your love make me smile and cry. Beautiful.

Widge said...

Your blog is such a beautiful place to visit. I love your music too. those photos are gorgeous...hope daddy comes home for you soon xo

Widge said...

hey I’ve featured you on my blog. Hope that’s cool- if not let me know and I’ll remove it no probs ;)

PaisleyJade said...

Found your blog thanks to Widge - beautiful!!

Jeanette said...

I was reading this sweet love letter and wondering how in the world you got photos of the inside of a kaleidoscope! Now I know. Fun.

Lora said...

How sweet. So happy for you and your family (your now BIGGER family)

Anonymous said...

coming over for a recommended visit... Widge sent me.
Congratulations on your newest addition. What a blessing.
Family can take on many different faces.
Thank God for that.
I will be back..this is a lovely space.
You can find me at

Laura said...

I am going to try to let the magic happen...but my 3 year old magic just undid the bed I just made...

this is beautiful
you are beautiful
your kids are beautiful
all of it

stacy di said...

what a sweet post. I've just been reading through your blog and catching up...and I'm so so happy about your sweet baby...and that you were able to bring him home...

my husband travels quite a bit, so I know how tough it can be. hoping he can be with you soon.

Joyeful said...

Just popping over from Widge's

I've read nearly 10 posts already!

I love every picture and every single word. And what a sweet and amazing blessing your Henry is!!

Hope you are all together soon.

Ashley Davis, (AKA: Billy) said...

I have a truck, it is always on loan to friends. I am happy to haul a baby crib. ANYTIME. Just call. Seriously.