Wednesday, March 09, 2011

tales from the bionic woman


So I went to the doctor and you're not gunna believe what he said is wrong with me.

I'm really quite stunned and disappointed truth be told.

He said there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I am super healthy.  No mono. No thyroid problems. No anemia.  No pneumonia. Not even high blood pressure.  I'm like, the epitome of good health. I'm the freakin' bionic woman.

He was talking. I could see his mouth moving. But I was thinking, Then why the hell do I feel like I'm dragging day in and day out?  Surely there must be something wrong. Why have I been sick ALL winter?  Why do my limbs feel like Jell-O at three-o-clock everyday?

And then I tuned back in to hear him say that dreaded of all diagnoses- stress.

How very obtuse and non-commital of him.

But deep down in the scratchy dark corners of my being I thought he might be right.  Just maybe.

So I have a little stress. I do. I know. What?

Then the good doctor went on to prescribe exercise.  Four days a week. Reaching my anaerobic threshold for at least fifteen minutes. It has something to do with adrenaline levels and a bunch of other scientific stuff.

In my brian I'm all, Are you kiddin' me? For the love of Pete man! You are sitting here telling me I suffer from too much stress, and, oh yeah, you need to add more things to your schedule?
Seriously?

Here's the deal-

Nothing is wrong with me and that means everything is wrong with me. I can't be the person I want to be without losing it.  I can't do all that I want to do without feeling like the living dead.  I can't.  I'm not cut out for it.  

I'm not the person I always thought I was.  That hurts to realize. It's a little like when you are a kid and you realize your not as cool as your mom told you are.

So I have a choice.  I can start cutting things out of my life. I can simplify.  I can give up blogging and Secondsister. I could walk away from my studio. Shut the door for a few years.  

Except I can't.  

So I'm left with the doctor's solution.  To have enough energy to keep up with my crazy life I'm gunna have to run faster, harder.

I'm going to have to get up early and go to the gym. Ew.

It's going to be hard.  

But I owe it to the littles.  They deserve to have a mom that can keep up. How can I justify running a business if I don't have the energy to make them dinner?

This is it. No excuses.  I'm putting this bionic body to the test.


Damn it all anyway. I was sure it was mono.

15 comments:

Hi Octane Jewelry said...

Having little at ones at home is no easy task. You are managing a lot.
My preferred method of treatment is caffeine. I like it. I am sure I drink more than I should. Things will get easier in different as the wee ones get older..

Lesley said...

I use to do water aerobics after work. I loved it. It was a great stress reliever and kept me in good shape. After I had my son I quit going. I still had to work full time. I just couldn't take any more time away from my baby then I already was. So its been five years and I finally figured out what I have to do...I have to set the alarm for an hour and a half earlier and get my butt in the water before work. It takes no time away from my son. He is still sleeping. Its been hard getting into a routine but I know its going to be worth it.

You can do it. I know you can. Good luck and God bless!

Michele Pacey said...

stupid exercise. it's the answer to everything these days.

we should invent some kind of pill or something.

oh, but yeah, i guess they've already done that... damn.

Imagination Gardener said...

I can relate, as I got this same dreadful diagnosis in January. Although I don't know you personally, I've grown quite close to your blog, tweets, and art creations. I do hope you do not completely stop because you are talented and inspiring.

Perhaps this is just a challenge to change our ways to create? To integrate motherhood with work? Regardless of the outcome, thank you for sharing you life with us.

annawhocropsalot said...

Oh, I am so the same! Exercise? Isn't it for the ones that enjoy that kind of thing?

I have grand mal seizures, am balding and experiencing extreme abdominal pain because of stress. LOL I am positive God is telling me to get off my butt! He gave up whispering it in my ear. That didn't do the trick.

I soooo appreciate that you actually put your stress problem into words! Might just possibly be what I needed to hear to get proactive. Thanks!

AND PLEASE DON'T QUIT BLOGGING! If I need a laugh, I come here. :)

laurie said...

Well, glad to hear you are fine and there's nothing wrong, but stress is one of those things that is so hard to get rid of! Who doesn't have stress? It's in everyone's life, I was having the same problem, tired, migraines, heart palps, doc said the same thing, exercise, it does help but where to find the energy to do that? Good luck, remember you are only human and you can only do so much every day. :D

Katy said...

I went to a couple of doctors that tested my TSH and said it was fine. Fine meaning within "normal" range. I then found A doc that tests t3 to t4 conversion and that was when I went on thyroid. HUGE difference. This doc also said that the range of normal is too big and he likes to get patients to a smaller range. Consider a different doctor? Preferably one who prescribes armour thyroid (old school pig thyroid) over synthetics. I was on synthroid for a couple of years, transfered to armour (docs don't like it as much because they actually have to monitor and adjust dosage) and it was a god send.

PaperPumpkin said...

Well, this was a kick in the butt. I was told the same thing...only after knowing that my thyroid is bad and my cholesterol is high. Exercise. For stress. For energy. REALLY? When I ride that exercise bike I feel like dying. Isn't that stressful? Maybe I will be more motivated by you! Not that I'm putting more pressure on you or anything...bionic babe.

Elizabeth said...

I suspected as much! Just call me Dr. Elizabeth. If you had the time, I would suggest a Chinese doctor and some acupuncture -- works amazing for stress. But exercise -- sigh -- I have to do more as well.

Good luck with all of it -- you not only owe it to your beautiful children, but you owe it to yourself! And I'm happy that you won't give up blogging because that would be just so sad.

JENNY K. said...

I have a friend that thought she was having heart problems It turns out it's been stress all along. She's a runner and her Dr. told her to NOT run for 6 wks. He also told her she is Vitamin D deficient. Thing is I've been feeling like garbage for quite some time now. I'm going to try some vitamin D and I suppose exercise. :~) I know I'm stressed. I know I've got anxiety at an all time high. 3 kids, a fledgling business and trying to create an interesting blog are burning me out. I feel your pain.

Bonnie said...

I know it's not what you want to hear...but exercise does wonders and you is worth finding the extra time to do even 30 min three times a week. I find I have so much more energy when I go to gym, even if I can only manage twice a week. It also helps with my back problems and moods. Gets all the good endorphins racing through your system! It is a sure way to beat stress too! Go for it, you won't regret it!

tollestrupfamily said...

K girl - my solution is hiring help. Oprah has massive hired help so who is Aprah to think she can do it all alone? Since hired help can be pricey start low - mother's helpers range from $6-10 an hour. Look for homeschooled middle schoolers to come in and entertain the little ones or just fold some laundry. Look for older high schoolers who have early out or are homeschooled to run errands or prep dinner. Then you just get to waltz in finish the dinner prep serve it ala martha and your family will only remember the super mom who seemed to do it all. It has taken me a while to realize that in actuality I am only one person although I want to do the work of 5. I have to own that I am in fact human and give up the little things or delegate them to others so I can still do all the major things that still make me me. You can do it!

Kari said...

Damn that exercise. Such an insult that it's usually the solution to all kinds of problems. Here's to hoping you've got some cute gym clothes--that can make all the difference. Skirts are in, thankfully, and I totally rock the skirt and compression tights. I highly recommend.

Shelley said...

Maybe if you exercise in your new shoes it would help? just sayin'

Olivia said...

I'm right there with ya. Too super tired to even think about food, but with little ones standing with mouths wide open ya have to put something out to eat. And guess what? I was given the same prescription. Lame, lame, lame, lame, Lame. So after sulking for a week or two, I did it. Of course, after the first week of exercise I felt more exhausted than ever. Your still gunna get tired. Your still gunna be worn out by the end of the day. But after being consistent I've found a whole lot more strength to carry on my day to day activities, and even a little extra to share with the hubs.
You can do it! Let the littles exercise with ya. DVD's walks outside. A trampoline is also a great source. Spring is coming - now get to it! :)