Monday, October 18, 2010

lost and found

1. our indesputable romance, 2. study of the inchworm, 3. trophy wife, 4. tin roof rusted, 5. ripples in a pond, 6. destiny, 7. tumbledown soldiers, 8. bridal stuff, 9. Empty belly, 10. all bets off, 11. Bluebeard's lament, 12. Bennett

It dawned on me the other day that I'm finally found.

I've spent thirty-six years finding myself and now I think I finally found me.

I thought I was found in college.  I read a lot of books and philosophized on religion and politics.  If the twenty year old April could see me today she would be disguised. "What is she doing with her life?" I'd ask. "What good is baking apples and doing crafts? Why would anyone want more than two kids? Doesn't she know the world is overpopulated? Whatabouttheforestforheavenssake!"

So I've changed a bit.  I think for the better.  No, I didn't make it through to receive my Masters in English Literature.  I didn't wander through the Amazon pontificating the meaning of life.  I didn't even get published in the University journal.

But I have been entrusted with the happiness and well being of three little people.  I've found the meaning of life through motherhood.  And I write about that everyday discovery experience right here on my blog, which I publish myself.

I'm a different person than I was then. I'm I different person than I was five years ago.  There are still things I 'd like to work on and change about myself, but at thirty-six I finally found perspective, and that seems to be the key.

I'm thirty-six. I know my beliefs both spiritual and political.  I know my sense of style. I know what is most important to me in life. I know who loves me unconditionally.  I know what I want.

I'm found.

But that doesn't mean there won't be changes.


Jasmine said...

Two thumbs up
(wish there was an icon for that :)

the emily said...

I've been feeling that way lately myself. I wonder if it has to do with being in my thirties? Either way, I like what I'm finding in myself, moreso than I thought I would at this point. And I like what I see in you, too.

Stef said...

Love it! I am so glad that you publish your own words because they make me smile every single time I read them.

Have a great week!

Beth said...

LOVE you blog! Thank you for sharing and for just being YOU! :) You rock!!

Molly said...

Sweet! And I am totally in love with your black sling backs!!!! And I would so wear those to church, no questions asked :)
~Molly P

Vanessa, Florida, USA said...

What a great post!!! I love what you wrote here. So true and I can definitely relate. I'm still "finding" myself :)

michelle hill said...

i love this entry...i love the 36 yr old you.. :)