lost and found

1. our indesputable romance, 2. study of the inchworm, 3. trophy wife, 4. tin roof rusted, 5. ripples in a pond, 6. destiny, 7. tumbledown soldiers, 8. bridal stuff, 9. Empty belly, 10. all bets off, 11. Bluebeard's lament, 12. Bennett

It dawned on me the other day that I'm finally found.

I've spent thirty-six years finding myself and now I think I finally found me.

I thought I was found in college.  I read a lot of books and philosophized on religion and politics.  If the twenty year old April could see me today she would be disguised. "What is she doing with her life?" I'd ask. "What good is baking apples and doing crafts? Why would anyone want more than two kids? Doesn't she know the world is overpopulated? Whatabouttheforestforheavenssake!"

So I've changed a bit.  I think for the better.  No, I didn't make it through to receive my Masters in English Literature.  I didn't wander through the Amazon pontificating the meaning of life.  I didn't even get published in the University journal.

But I have been entrusted with the happiness and well being of three little people.  I've found the meaning of life through motherhood.  And I write about that everyday discovery experience right here on my blog, which I publish myself.

I'm a different person than I was then. I'm I different person than I was five years ago.  There are still things I 'd like to work on and change about myself, but at thirty-six I finally found perspective, and that seems to be the key.

I'm thirty-six. I know my beliefs both spiritual and political.  I know my sense of style. I know what is most important to me in life. I know who loves me unconditionally.  I know what I want.

I'm found.

But that doesn't mean there won't be changes.