drifting

Sometimes I get lonesome for the Sugar Daddy. Even when we are together. 

And by together, I mean, padding around in the same house. Passing each other in the kitchen.

The Sugar Daddy likes to unwind his curly thoughts by watching strange old movies that usually have subtitles and orchestra music with lots of sharps. I do not share this affection. And so we are seldom together during those hours of the evening when we both mentally check out of life as we know it.

And sometimes I miss him. But not enough to endure a Korean war film circa 1956. Not even Junior Mints could get me through that.

I have a low rumbling in the nether reaches of my brain that is telling me that the two of us need to get away. We need to check out of life as we know it for a few days. Maybe a week.

We need to be together, together. For real. Not just in the same house.

It's so easy to drift away from each other. Especially in these stormy seas we are navigating. And the bottom line is that the Sugar Daddy is too good looking to watch from afar. 

I need him up close.

no one is having sex with the rooster

The Rooster has lost faith in love.

I spoke to him on the phone the other day.

He said, "I think I just might be a heartless bastard."

"Hummm." I sighed tentatively.  Remiss to comment on this.

"I mean, I've never been head over heels in love with anyone. I don't know if I'm capable of loving anyone in that way.  I want to.  It's just...missing."

The Rooster wants to be married, but The Rooster is afraid. He is afraid of choosing the wrong person. He's a cautious person. He's the kind of person who lists pros and cons when buying laundry detergent.

I don't have any good advice for him per se.  Just because I found the love of my life doesn't mean I know how to do it. I don't know how you know. How do you really know when you've found the one?

I do know the right person makes you feel whole. You honestly believe that if that person's heart quit beating, yours would cease as well. I know that when you are with the right person, you can feel very rich living at poverty standards.  The happiness in life is richer because they are there, by your side.  The sorrow is more bearable because they are there.  Life and time have taught me these truths.

I believe in love.  Long lasting, time weathered, passionate love.  I believe I will love my husband more tomorrow than I do today.  All the fights, celebrations, mourning, working and playing add another strand to strengthen the cable that holds our hearts together.

Are we just lucky?  We must be because I don't know any secrets.

So Brother-

Believe in the unbelievable. It exists. That's my best advice.

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.  -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

This is sappy. I love it.

*******************************************

Remember this Seinfeld episode?

FRANK: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The

rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?

GEORGE: Why don't we talk about it another time.

FRANK: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a

chicken. Something's missing!

MRS. ROSS: Something's missing all right.

MR. ROSS: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.

FRANK: That's perverse.

P.S. No one is having sex with The Rooster.  He's looking for his true companion.

i do, over and over again

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I can't remember where I got this photo, but I do remember reading that it was a wedding dress and the bride crocheted it herself.  Isn't is amazing?  It steals my breath away and wish I could get married again and wear one just like it.

Which I would do a million times over if I believed in it.  I'm one who tries to live up to my wedding vows everyday, hoping they won't fad over time.  The original promises I made are graffitied all over my heart.

I married Sugar Daddy sixteen years ago.  We were young and stupid and crazy in love.  Most of all, we were blessed to find each other. I'd say it was dumb luck but I know better.

I've had my struggles in life.  I've been down and out and so poor I had to eat canned pineapple for an entire week until the pay check came.  I've seen some sadness and weathered some storms.  I have some scars.

But. Here's where I'm so very very blessed: I've never not been absolutely head over heels in love with my husband.  It's an amazing gift. I stand all amazed most days at my good fortune to have married the very person I would choose every time to be in the fox hole with, no matter the battle.

Oh sure we have our fights and disagreements.  He wishes I wasn't directionally challenged. I take issue with sweaty running clothes dropped on the floor and stinky yerba maté  cups in the sink.

We needle each other out of spite or boredom. We mutter sarcastic remarks under our breath.  We play ro-sham-bo over diaper changes and bedtime chores.  We both think the other has a poor memory.

But at the end of the day, even if I'm irritated and out of sorts with him, I want to cuddle up to my husband.  I want to smell his neck and put my hand on his cool cheek. I want to fall asleep with the comforting heft of him on my right side, listening to his deep bear breaths.

I'm crazy about Sugar Daddy. He's my Clark Kent. And there's not a thing known to man that can change that.

Lucky, lucky me.

twenty-ten, the year of Ben

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Okay so the recession has really kind of sucked. Is that an understatement? I think yes.

Anywho, things have been a bit of a struggle for all of us and it has put an extra strain on Sugar Daddy who takes his job as provider and sugar daddy extraordinaire very seriously.

Last New Years, he declared twenty-ten to be the Year of Ben. He was going to kick some business butt.

And so far he has made good. The meetings in China and Taiwan were a success. He hasn't even let up during all our major craziness over the last month. The guy's an animal. Oh, my in more ways than one.

Here we are. We now have three kids. It's forcing me to feel like a grown up. I'm a little scared heading into this new frontier. And I'm so glad that I have this man to walk by my side.

I know that he will make sure that our bellies are full and we each have a warm place to sleep each night.

Henry was sleeping in a drawer, but he must give it up and move into the crib when we get home.

Amelie will be sleeping in her new bed which is the cutest bed ever made for a little girl. I think I will take naps on it and pretend that it's mine.

Thom will be back in his room with the solar system glowing on the ceiling as he sleeps.

And I will be cuddled up next to Sugar Daddy, warm and happy and ready to nudge him to go get the baby.

the pecked hen

Sugar Daddy has flown the coop.

He took off to Cabo San Lucas for five days to spear fish and generally act like a caveman. In a moment of pure insanity, I encouraged him to go. I must be some kind of stupid.

So I'm going it alone.

And it's not so fun. I'm not complaining per se. I'm just informing the public so that everyone will feel sorry for me.

When my husband is home, I have a tendency to feel like I must be a director so that things get done. And I have been known to "micromanage" such chores as diaper changes and tooth brushing. But one must always wipe from front to back when changing little girls and take extra time on the molars of a sugar crazed boy. These are widely known facts.

"I feel like a pecked hen. You correct everything I do." Ben said one day.

"I believe the phrase is hen pecked my dear." I said.

"Case in point." he mumbled and went back to making up the bed so that it looked like a child had made it.

But now I'm missing my pecked hen.

I'm missing how good he is at entertaining the boy in the evening. I'm missing how he takes the trash out with ease and makes sure my Red Bull is chilled and waiting for me before I even know I want one. I'm missing how he perfectly fills out the right side of the bed and lays his hand in the small of my back as we drift off to sleep.

I vow to spend less time pecking and more time noticing the delightful minutiae of my life with Sugar Daddy.

Along with the pecked hen, we have the chagrined hound.

Finnigan has taken the arrival of the new baby pretty hard. Knowing that his chances of being my baby ever again are slim to none, he has taken to harassing everyone else non-stop for attention.

Just look at that face. You know he's saying "Just love me Mom." I guess I need to spend some one on one time with him. I'll get right on that after I feed and change the baby, unload the dishwasher, cycle the laundry, find some staples for Thom's art project, fill out some thank you cards and call to make a well baby appointment with the doctor. Ey yi yi.

There really is no rest for the wicked.

P.S. The good news is I love my flower shoes.

nobody likes the purple chiclets

Right now is literally the first time I've stopped moving today. I'm a little tired. Too tired, in fact, to make dinner.

So we went out.

Ben choose one of our regular haunts, a colorful little Mexican restaurant right on Highway 101. I had tortilla soup. Ben had pozole and Thom ordered a hamburger.

Thomas particularly likes this restaurant because they have Chiclets at the cash register. Only ten cents. What a bargain.

After much deliberation, Thom settled on red.

"That's cinnamon." I told him.

"I know, I've had them before and I know I like red." he said in between bounces. Thom gets pretty excited over gum.

"Look, there are purple Chiclets!" I mused to no one in particular.

"The purple ones are gross, nobody likes them." Ben warned. "Don't get purple."

But purple is my signature color AND there is the little matter of Ben's reliability.

You see, my husband is effected gravely by the "Knowitis Allis" bug. Everything that comes out of Ben's mouth is stated as fact. He's very believable.

"It will rain today."

"The law is in our favor."

"You make a right turn in two blocks."

"That will give you gas."

"That country is falling apart."

"That film was made in 1957."

"You actually wear a size D bra."

This is my life.

The hard thing about it is that for the most part, he is usually right. And Knowitis Allis isn't necessarily a bad thing for a lawyer to have.

There have been plenty of times, however, that I have caught him B.S.ing red handed. And this makes me suspicious. Very suspicious. So I question him quite a bit.

This is why I went ahead and got the purple gum that is my signature color.

I popped all four pieces in my mouth and chomped away. It tasted like old lady lavender talcum powder. Ben was delighted to see my sour face. I spit it out.

From the back seat Thom asked "What color did you get Mom?"

"Purple."

"Did you like it?"

"No."

"Told ya you shouldn't have got it."

He's just like his father.

tokens

In honor of Valentine's Day, which is quickly approaching (I better get crackin on my gifts), I give you 5 little things that make me feel loved in a big way.


#1. When Sugar Daddy asks for my opinion on certain things and he listens to what I have to say, I know he sees me as not just his wife, but as person with equal life experience and good judgement.




#2. When people love the gifts I give them so much they cry, I feel loved and happy. Not because they are crying of course. No, that can be a little embarrassing. Just because it reminds me that the things I do are valued.




#3. In our quiet moments, when Thom sits on my lap and plays with my hair and we talk about his day, I know that I am not just his mother. I am his mommy.

#4. Although it drives me absolutely bizerk, I know that my dog, Finnigan, is madly in love with me because he follows me EVERYWHERE.


#5. And last but not lest, I know Sugar Daddy is head over heels for me because when he comes home from work, and there is glitter all over the kitchen floor, canvases, brushes, paint and paper strewn around the table, no dinner in sight and the laundry is crawling up the wall, he kisses me and asks to see what I am working on. Then he clears a spot on the counter and makes us all quesadillas. Now that is love.

i got half

Do you see this incredibly handsome and suave guy? Take note of his kind eyes and strong Native American nose. This is my guy. As of today, he has been mine for half of his life.

Happy birthday Stinky Bear. I love you.

hero work

Don't forget to put your name in the drawing on the two previous posts. The winner will be picked tomorrow morning.

I got a call in the middle of the afternoon last week. It went like this:

"Hello."

"Hi, this is John from San Diego Search and Rescue calling."

Oh good grief, what now?

"Hi, has something happened?"

"Oh no, is Ben around?"

"Uh, no he's at work."

I think he's at work, could be anywhere really.

"Oh well, I'm calling to set up an interview and I was wondering if he could come tonight at 8:30."

"An interview?"

"Yeahhhh. He applied."

"Really."

What in the SAM HELL is he up to? He already has a job. A good one.

"I guess he didn't mention this."

"Well, no, but I'm fairly sure you've got the right number. This sounds like him."

Nature boy.

Chuckle. Chuckle."I have a cell number, should I call that?"

Hummm. Should I play gate keeper and mess with Ben a little?

"Yep, he should answer his cell."

"Okey Dokey."

I guess that is how the mountain people talk- "Okey dokey mam, everything is going to be just fine once we wrench your body from this rock crevice and life flight you outta here."

I actually really love when things like this happen. It gives me what I like to call "emergency conversation starters", ECS for short. I bide my time and when something comes up, say, an errant charge to Anthropolgie on the American Express, I can quickly divert the situation by dropping a ECS and I'm golden.

On Friday John called back to tell Sugar Daddy he was in. They had one slot to fill for the entire county and they choose him. He is now a volunteer Search and Rescue guy. He has to get ready for helicopter training on the weekends. Yeah, Ben thinks he's pretty cool now. And actually, other than the worries I have of him tumbling off a cliff, or out of a helicopter, I thinks he's pretty cool too. And sexy. I will have to share my hero with other people now, but I learned to share in kindergarten so I don't mind.

I'm thinking that design Sunday might go away since I will be featuring a shop every Friday. What do you think?

on an up note. . .

I know, I know, a Secondsister Jewelry giveaway has been a long time coming, but here it is! These lovely "Meadow" earrings are up for grabs! Leave a comment, and on Monday I'll use one of the weird little online random number picker thingys to choose a winner. Tell your friends! Shout it out! FREE JEWELRY HERE! GET YOUR FREE JEWELRY!

That's not all I have for you either. After a small stint of moodiness this past week, I thought I'd share a few more reasons to be happy about today.

Now available through Nendo- chocolate pencils. Yes, indeed ladies, chocolate pencils. Now, for all intents and purposes, these pencils were created to use as a baking tool to create shavings for desserts. However, I see no reason to spend time sharpening the pencils just so you can get a miniscule amount of chocolate on top of your molten lava cake. I intend to eat these pencils like a carrot. That's how I roll.

As long as we are talking about chocolate, and all things wonderful, check this. My baby sister and her hubby will be married 5 years this November and I happen to know that they are more in love today than they were on their wedding day. Believe in marriage.

Every parent, ahem, every good parent, thinks that their baby's bottom is the cutest thing around. We can't help it. It comes with the territory. I gave birth to my son and in the midst of all the emotion and commotion, I distinctly remember thinking, "Well look at that. That is about the cutest bum I've ever seen." And then I collapsed from exhaustion.

So in China, they put their children in bottomless pants. They say it is for practical reasons, you know, for potty training and all, but I'm not so sure. Baby bottoms- another reason to smile today.