Wednesday, February 09, 2011

matters of the heart

I've been thinking.  Which gets me into a wee bit of trouble most of the time, but this time I've been thinking about how a girl like myself might keep out of trouble.

I've been wondering if it is possible to be kind and still get exactly what you want, when you want it, most of the time.

Take for example the Costco pharmacy.  It has been my experience that if you want to get your prescription filled correctly and in a timely manner, you must approach the little window as the Queen of Sheba.  Kindness and consideration haven't gotten me very far with Phil the pharmacy tech.  He seems to respond much better to haughtiness.

And then there are my children.  If asked to do something in a kind voice, they don't seem to hear me at all. It's actually quite astounding how their little ears don't pick up my voice until it is raised a few decibels and made to sound like Cruella Deville.  

I don't want to be that mom.  Or that woman at the pharmacy. But I do want things done well in a timely manner.

Look. I'm not a fighter. (Small disclaimer here that I can be a fighter if backed into a corner.) I'm a lover. I like peace and good will toward men.  I like cupcakes and sparkly things and long walks on the beach.  And I like for people to do their jobs well.

I have my big toe into the business world. Not my whole foot. Just the toe.  The right brained one. I'm starting to have business type interactions with people regarding illustration and other such businessy things.  

And I want people to do things for me and I want it done promptly and correctly and by damn don't screw it up. And I want to say all this in a very kind way. 

It's not personal. It's business. But don't these businessy people have feeling too?  I don't want to use the Cruella voice anymore. I'm pretty sure I look really ugly when I'm talking like that. I need to find a way to express my expectations without sounding spiteful or bad-tempered and still get good results.

So is it possible?  Do they teach these things in business school? Kindness 101?

As for Phil, he will still get Cruella. He seems to like her.


Anna M said...

wait, did I write this?

If you find a school that teaches women how they can be assertive and successful without being labeled a (b)witch and teaches men that assertive and successful women are not automatically the above, then let me know.

Ideally I want to be assertive AND gent-eel. Sweet AND confident. Determined AND kind. Why does it feel like a huge oxymoron?

Hi Octane Jewelry said...

A I read this I was going this just came up in my world recently then is dawned on my a recent email. My sons high school is having a KindnesSCounts meeting to raise awareness through kindness campaigns, building respect through positive behaviors, and continuing to develop character value programs within our San Clemente community. It is tonight. It must be a hot topic. I think being as clear as possible with communication and remember in conversation most people retain a mi-nute amount of info.

Sabrina said...

I work in a law firm and I try to get everything in writing. I have a vendor that screws up all the time. I have to use them but this way after I've verbally given them instructions, I confirm in email and then when it's wrong they see it was on their end. I hate having to confront people so this works best for me.

oldgreymare said...

You've got mail..

"It's not personal;It's business"

American humanity, maybe all of humanity, has lost it's work ethic,it's sense of right and wrong, it's pride in self,... our inner moral codes. There are days I feel lost for America, as narcissism reigns and silly reality shows convince people they are the norm not the abnormal..and I'm a flaming liberal!!!


Apryl said...

Wow, if it weren't for the fact that you are so eloquent with your words, I would have thought I wrote that about my experiences lately! Lighting store, AT&T, library, not to mention my children....ugh. I want to be kind it too much to ask for GOOD results when speaking kindly and rationally????

What I'm saying is...I'm WITH YOU ON THIS ONE!!!!