Friday, May 06, 2011

i hate mother's day

Thom came home from school yesterday in a foul mood.  He whined. He sassed. And when he slammed the refrigerator door I snapped.  I grabbed him by the shoulders and said, “You have been a beast since the minute you got in the car. What’s wrong with you?”

“I’ll tell you what!”, he said, because he talks just like me.  “I’ll tell you what’s the matter! I was playing soccer with Jake and Hayden and Jake kept making goals on me and Hayden was the coach and he kept saying good job to Jake and laughing at me and I felt really mad and then Hayden made a trophy for Jake out of an orange cone and he gave it to him. AndIfeltlikeIwasn’tnanybody.  And I wanted to cry and I almost did but then I soaked it up because I didn’t want to cry. Cuz’ that’s embarrassing. So I just soaked it up.”

People. I’m thirty-seven years old, but I can tell you right now that I wanted to go kick that little Hayden’s butt.  By the flag pole. Old school, play yard style.

This is motherhood.  It’s passionate love and excruciating vulnerability.  It’s letting another human being carry a piece of your heart around. Come what may.

Thom used to think he was the coolest thing happening.  He oozed self esteem.  These days he’s “soaking” up other people’s crap.  He’s swallowing what they tell him.

I want to shake it out of him. I want to scream “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!” But he’s a boy. And that’s soooo not cool. And moms don’t know.  They are just moms.

So yeah I kinda hate mother’s day.  I don’t need everyone to be nice to me for one day.  I don’t want pancakes in bed or fuzzy slippers.

Don’t buy me a corsage. Get me a sword and shield to fight a safe path to lead my kids through this life.

I told Thom I know how he feels. I told him sometimes people are mean and it’s important to remember what it feels like so you will never treat anyone unkind.

I did not tell him that “kind” never defines mother bears, and Hayden better watch out.


16 comments:

Kim Hartmann said...

Just reading what Thom said put me in mama bear mode! i was always like that with my 3 younger siblings too while growing up. the protector. sorry he had to deal with that. :( but i like how you turned it around as a learning experience.

Kiera said...

Yea... I've kicked a kid or two's behinds by the flagpole in my head a time or two... Sadly I've kicked a few adults too... Sometimes people say the most asinine things. Here's to wearing our Mama Bear badge loud and proud!

Julie said...

I'll meet you at the flag pole....Should I bring Jared, too??

Do hope you enjoy your day. Mother bears need a day off once in awhile.

oxo.

maren said...

I so know that protective feeling that makes you want to act like a kid when you're not. The sad thing is that I'm the same age as you and people are still mean like that...it doesn't go away when you grow up and it still hurts just as much. But I still have my mom to help me feel better...so yay for moms!

Laurie said...

It is so hard when our kids come home from school and you find out someone has been mean to them...I hate to tell you this, but you have a girl, and it's just beginning...my daughter is 11 and gets in the van at least 2-3 times a week with some huge crisis because some girl was mean to her, girls can be so much worse than boys, there's jealousy, it's just crazy, and next year she's in middle school which is only going to be worse, what's a mother to do? And, yes, Mother's day is overated, we should be treated special more than just one day a year. Hugs for Thom...:)

Cheryl G. said...

Amen!

Pinecone said...

My girls will say things about their appearance now...drives me nuts. One of my twins said "I have a big nose" immediately I start saying things like..."did someone say something to you" "why do you think that" "your nose is perfect" etc. etc.
I get the "of course you're gonna say that, you're my mom."
Oh the joys!!
Ashlyn

margie said...

great post today...
i feel ya...
LOVES
m

msmith said...

Wait till your a Grandma...it only gets worse.

Lyanna said...

Wow, sorry to hear your guy had a hard day, but you're right, mom's don't know.

Have at it at the flagpole!! Tell him there's a long line behind you too ;)

Jenny and Jimbob said...

Thanks for sharing. We've all been there, no matter how long ago it was :/

Elizabeth said...

Ah, yes. The REAL tiger mothers --

Shagnik Saraswati said...

Ouch! No wonder i was so scared of my mommy

Karen said...

Most people are actually TAUGHT to be spiteful and learnt this from hearing their parents... rather than being persons of good intentions, jealous and spiteful. It actually keeps people down. People undermining others and backbiting does not help them. You find the OPPOSITE at higher levels of human society, such as artists and writers and screenwriters and so on encouraging a culture of creativity... inspiring each other and kicking around ideas, and co-opeating on producing art and so on. Even higher levels of business, you find partnerships and so on. You need a better class of associates!


The words above aren't mine I found it while trying to look for someway to deal with spite.I never make excuses for spite from anyone chldren included. Our own 11yr old has had to put up with this kind of behaviour from some of her classmates ...while her apology of a headteacher stands by and makes excuses. She joined a local youth theatre group two years ago. She now sees these losers for what they are. Sorry if that's a bit strong ...but as you say ..when you're a mom/mum ....!

j e s s i e said...

First time commentator here:
I Love the way you put this into words. (Really I always enjoy reading what you write - but this -BRILLIANT!). I especially love the wit in the last line!!
Thanks for sharing.

Just be...... said...

o.k. just fell in love with you! Well the crush started on the "I ate bugs post..." I grew up in Hawaii, didn't wear shoes until 5th grade and we ate a lot of bugs, but we cooked them.
oooxooo