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Sometimes I like people more than they like me. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the paint ball splat to the face approach I have when I first meet people.
I'm working on that by the way. The mystic space between Ice Queen and long lost friend alludes me.
And I gotta tell ya, it really doesn't feel very good to like someone more than they like you. It hurts my spirit and it makes me want to stay in the safe cushy place called home where my children and husband love me like crazy cakes.
But a girl like me needs to stretch her wings every so often and fly away from the nest with other like minded girls for a nice lunch or something of that nature.
These other girls, well, they don't exactly come knocking on my door and I must seek them out.
So when I splat them in the face and scare them away it hurts my spirit. My mother likes to remind me that as a child I couldn't care less of what others thought. I'd shrug my shoulders, say "their loss" and run off to the next exciting thing.
I'm thinking she has to still be in me somewhere, this little girl. I'm looking for her. I'm digging up old photos and laughing at her antics. I'm hoping she will teach me how to love myself enough to say, "their loss."
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." - source unknown
Please enjoy my May wall paper. It's free to download here.
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22 comments:
I'd go out to lunch with you!
I like the "their loss" sentiment. If I can be that way, maybe my children can, too.
Seriously. Have these folks actually met you? Do they know how you roll?? Back seat of the burb in a skirt doesn't even touch it. So, maybe it is their loss, but clearly you are our gain.
I'd go to lunch with you... and Ben, of course... and a single, clone of you! ; ) You're good people, April. Never forget that.
When I first moved to CA from western NY in 1997, I pi**ed everyone off for almost the first year. I couldn't understand why, I was very polite, in my mind. But finally, another ex-NYer took me aside and told me that people on the west coast are VERY sensitive, and laid back. Although I wasn't a bad person, I just rubbed them the wrong way. Let me tell you, that was an eye-opener! So I super-toned down what was natural to me to the point that when I visited my family back home, I was the one frequently offended! LOL But I guess I learned to adapt.
I think how we all get along is often situational. If people saw us at our Sunday best we should all be loved, at our worst, maybe not so much. Unless you really KNOW someone, there is no need to take it personally.
Anyways, waiting for that April clone some day soon! ttfn
The wallpaper is wonderful -- you're going to think I'm the biggest dork, but what do you do with it? Ideas?
I wouldn't take it personally... I think as we get older people are dealing with more stuff (at least that is what I tell myself). :) Especially with this economy people are just stressed out!!!
Your writing is delightful. Keep it up.
I would love to go to lunch with you...any day and twice on Tuesdays! You are the bee's knees, April!
wish you were here. we'd all be on your doorstep at lunch time.
oh wait. saw your picture of the beach yesterday. changing my wish. wish we were there.
I can't believe I have yet to leave a comment here because I adore hearing your voice - so raw and resonant - through your writing and designs. I have been reading for a little while and just wanted to pass on how familiar your battle, a winning battle it seems, sounds to me. I love when someone says something you have felt for a while but didn't have the words for. Thanks!
We should all do lunch. With you.
If you ever figure out that happy medium between coming across as a total stuck-up b***h and having people look at you like you've sprouted a second head because you have no filter, let me know. I'd pay money for that info.
Love your blog AND you.
I am terrible at the "Your Loss" sentiment. My husband says I take everything too hard, the wrong way, and I'm way too hard on myself. I wonder sometimes if this goes hand-in-hand with being shy?
Oh my gosh, I can totally relate. I made most of my closest friends when I was small and it was "easy." And then I moved away from my home and had to start over with new friends. AND IT HAS BEEN SO TOUGH! I don't have much patience for the space between chit-chat and bosom friends...if it isn't deep and meaningful, it doesn't feel worth it (in this world of "so much to do so little time!")
But I am *trying*
I get my feelings hurt constantly. Last week I asked someone out to lunch, hoping we'd find a connection, and when I sat down at the table, she said "so, why did you ask me here today?" As if there ought to have been some sort of purpose! I nearly lost ALL my friend-making motivation with that remark...
April,
you touch my heart. Thank you for being so brave to write your heart felt posts. I feel as though you are speaking for me. It makes me feel a little less odd!
PS my daughters are 13 months apart. They are in college now and are best friends. Once the toddler years are behind you, Family life gets way better. Just wait for the fun to start.
April, you are that cool person that I wish I could be-friend.... but, alas, I am not nearly as creative, driven, balanced, cute, as you. I mean to write this in a happy and complimentary way, but it might sound a little creapy. If anyone is blowing you off, it is because she feels insecure, that is my bet.
I am so comforted that I am not the only person who blurts out random information that makes other people uncomfortable.... I can't stop myself, and I think a part of me wants them to feel as awkward as I do. Being outwardly friendly in groups exhausts me.
P.S. the word verification is "chubbytub". rude.
Love this! I just did a post Sunday about friendships so this totally hits home with me! I'm going to keep tweeting you till we become friends!! LOL Hugs from Conroe, Texas!!
Knock Knock -Let's have lunch..
I don't know how you roll and I just saw you as a teacher at Spark. But when I saw your pic, I immediately thought, now this is somebody I could hang with. And then I googled your blog. Thanks for saying what I'm too afraid to say but think, alot lately. Loneliness is a bitch.
I came for a visit from lovely Margie, and she is right... you definitely have beautiful inspiring messages!
And this post... my story almost to a tee... usually people think I'm snooty...but no, just very shy until I get to know you... then watch out... I have no secrets!
Have a beautiful day!
I'm a *splat* in the face kinda girl too. We are balls of energy and sometimes too much for people to handle. But oh, when we love you, we LOVE you. And we always have your back..
Be proud to splat. Your sisters are out there..
My daughter is a splat girl. It's hard to watch. I want to explain (at 3 this is hard) that so much emotion, excitement, and desire to connect scares people.
And then I bite my tongue. I'm proud to be and raisin' *splat* and I will never take that from her..
I love this post. Just what I needed today.
Seriously?? Look behind you! Why would you need to pursue those few friend when you have 200 others behind you waiting for you to spend time with them! We love you just the way you are.
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